Just in case. If we ever say something stupid, please note that said stupidity is ours, and ours alone. Our stupidity! You can’t have it!
//Wednesday, December 31, 2008 1:41 PM
Happy New Year
New year resolutions, what are they but a figment of our dreams. A statement we make to dis-illusion ourselves as we approach the dawn of a new year, a fleeting quote we make to belittle our achievements and mishaps of the retreating days.
Now as the clock draws nearer towards the end of an eventful year, i find myself slouched in my cubicle, blinded by the bright lights overhead squinting at my monitor wondering what resolution should be made this year. The silent buzz of machineries have but faded from neighboring units as people rush home to embrace their families, a rush back to the life one would lead outside of their uniforms. A handsomely dressed manager morphs into an all night partier when the sun withdraws itself into slumber as the crescent moon throws an ungodly light over the lands.
This time last year was spent in anticipation of the ensuing party, but how many more such parties can one endure?
The binge drinking spree has all but left me a broken man, reminiscing the days when my tummy was flatter and my sleeps were sounder. Perhaps there is a time for everyone to look in retrospect and wonder whether they should be defined by the things they do or whether it should be the other way round.
An oath off partying has been heard as the partier retreats into his cave, plans have been switched in an instant to embrace a healthier, drug-free life as the promise of money brightens up our sky. Tonight we gamble into the new year, the clashing of mahjong tiles coupled with the shuffling of cards as money changes hands in the background will be the sound to drive us into the dawn.
Tonight we make our resolutions for the new year, what will you be doing?
This week, many things happened. Some bad, some good. But mostly bad.
I will write about my shoes so I don't have to think about the bad things.
This is a pair of Quicksilvers. I love the gold and green combination, and the level of detail on the sole. There is a problem though: the shoes tend to squeak. I believe the quality of the leather is suspect.
Christmas eve, a day that marks the day before Christmas day, a day that marks and honors the birth of Jesus of Nazareth. An occasion celebrated by christians with the exchanging of gifts, church celebrations, get-together, caroling and the setting up of decorations around the neighborhood.
For many like us non-christians, it is another opportunity to celebrate and feel festive. Usually this includes the gathering of close friends and drinks, lots of drinks. Food at this juncture becomes a formality, and a BBQ party merely signifies to invited guests the barrage of alcohol to be consumed afterwards.
Alcohol, the greatest invention followed closely only by the television and air-conditioner. It has been used by people around the world in their standard diet, for hygienic/medical reasons, for its relaxant and euphoric effects, for artistic inspiration, as an aphrodisiac and many other reasons. Some drinks have been invested with religious and symbolic significance. But all these reasons do not seem to be in the mind of young revelers indulging in the modern sport of binge drinking.
Binge drinking has often been associated with the consumption of alcoholic beverages with the primary intention of becoming intoxicated. It is more of a kind of purposeful drinking style popular among the younger crowds in several countries. This is often the case when we go out drinking, especially Kurt and me, most times we meet up earlier at his place to get smashed and often bring along a bottle of concoction to be consumed during the cab ride.
Anyway back to our Christmas Eve festivities. The plan this year was a "BBQ Party" over at my GF's place, it was more of a joint party with her inviting her friends and her brother inviting his mates, this combination brings the total attendance to just over 15 people. No party would be complete without alcohol, and for the night we had a stash of Absolut Vodka, 2 bottles of White Wine, a bottle of Moet & Chandon Imperial Brut, a bottle of Shoju and 24 cans of beer. A generous amount considering the amount of people that actually drink to be around 7 or 8.
The going was pretty slow and relaxed initially before I, tired of the snail like approach to intoxication, decided to introduce a game to the guys. The girls, knowing what i'm obviously up to rejected the idea of taking part in any drinking game proposed by The Man. Let me take a few moments to explain the game which i had in turn learnt from other drinking buddies (Justin) and decided to name "Drunk Roulette", for reasons that will soon become obvious.
My iPhone has a number of programmes for entertainment purposes, of which "MotionX Dice" has been of reasonable popularity recently. The program allows you to preset your desired amount and type of dice from a myriad of available designs all of which can be shaken and disturbed by the motion of the iPhone itself. This makes the program a pretty entertaining accompaniment to binge drinking.
So the game works like this, we will first lay out on the table 6 empty glasses and label them from 1 to 6, the number of the glasses correspond directly with the numbers on the dice. The first person to roll will obviously encounter empty glasses, so if he rolls a 3 he will be able to top the empty glass up with his choice of alcohol.
Now if the 2nd person were to roll a 4, he too would encounter an empty glass so he is free to top it up as well. The 3rd person may roll a 4 which has just been filled by the 2nd guy, so he has to finish up the glass before rolling "Again", now if he rolls a 3 he will have to finish that glass up as well before rolling again.
In this sense, each person will continue rolling and drinking until he encounters an empty glass for which he can top up and pass the phone to the next lucky bastard. It may sound easy until it is your turn and all the glasses are filled with different types of alcohol, that is when the fun begins.
With the introduction of this crazy game, the 24 cans were finished in merely 30 minutes. While the guys were crazily yelling at each other for mercy the girls were congratulating themselves for not participating. After the Beer, wine, champagne, shoju and the vodka (halved) finished the guys were finding it hard to pronounce elementary words while their faces flushed blood red from the speed and intensity of the game.
The fun really began when someone decided vodka green tea wasn't gonna do it no more and proceeded to top up his glass with a mixture of Coke, Green Tea, Vodka, Wine, abit of beer and Yakult. Naturally everyone reeled from the sight and smell of the disgusting mixture on the table while the evil guy stood grinning at his invention.
It was then decided that the "Disgusting Drink" should be the only one on the table while keeping all the other glasses empty. This was met with approval from everyone thinking they would be the unlucky one who would roll the pre-defined number. Because this game only involves one glass it was decided that the girls should participate, this proposal was met with roaring approval from the guys while the girls began to think up 101 ways to inflict pain on our genitals.
At the height of the game, everyone was fighting to include their choice of "liquid" into the deadly cocktail. One particularly vile concoction saw the inclusion of chili sauce and a touch a soy sauce, the game escalated further to include the addition of sliced chili padis before settling at the loser chomping down on a single chili padi.
The ensuing peace was only achievable because most of the guys were in no state to think clearly and the girls had to carry their guys to the designated rest area. At this point, it was only smart to adjourn the party for everyone to retreat home for a rest before the arrival of New Year's Eve. Now that is more reason to party no matter which Religion you worship.
We're approaching 2009, and today is Christmas. Here's to a great New Year ahead.
posted by Kurt Kinky at
8:34 AM
//Tuesday, December 23, 2008 7:20 PM
Why guys should have menstruations
Let's be frank about something, for once in our lifetime be straight and come without agenda when you declare this. Everybody hates exams, yes even the weird Korean dude in the front row of your lectures who cheers everytime your lecturer solves a mathematical problem. So it comes as no surprise that Kurt is feeling down and edgy during his exam periods, it's just something guys do. Girls have PMS and guys have PES (Pre-Examination Syndromes).
It's something the lecturers in school don't teach us for the fear of toppling the intricately balanced web of lies that we are being fed. Yes, teachers lie. Period. Remember the time the school counsellor caught you peeking into the ladies changing room and promised not to tell your parents about it? Lies. Yeah i bet you found that out when hear the words, "Son, we need to talk......" when you got home.
One thing examinations taught me is that, there is never enough time. No matter how early i seem to start my preparations i always find myself begging God to give me one more hour only to find that i wasted one hour trying to coax him.
Another thing you should know about exams is this, no carpooling on the day of your exams. Seriously, it is bad and disorientating, just go to school yourself and meet up with the mates right before the paper. Let me tell you why. Ever met up with your friends to discuss the subject before a paper? They always seem to know more don't they? The conversation makes you feel inferior and inadequate almost to the point where you wonder if you both have the same copy of the textbook. Then you start to blame yourself for the hours you've wasted last night begging God.
Ever had your mate test your knowledge of theories? Makes you wanna punch him for making you look stupid eh?
Most guys would agree that Exams are no fun, whereas girls, they seem to enjoy the whole experience even though their lifetime ambition is to be a homely housewife. I reckon the reason is because girls are conditioned to such stresses. They experience PMS monthly whereas exams, they don't come by so often. The feelings of frustration and stress associated with both PMS and PES may seem foreign to guys, but for girls, they know just how to handle the frustration.
So the next time exams are around the corner, stop begging God for extra time and instead start begging him to make our penises bleed every month.
Oh did i mention i am going to the airport to pick up my girlfriend in 4 hours?
Anticipation has been defined as many things, chiefly it is an emotion involving pleasure (and sometimes anxiety) in considering or expecting some longed-for good event. Anticipation can be displayed in many ways, some individuals seem to smile uncontrollably during this period while others seem ill or sick. Stage-fright is a type of anticipation in which many individuals have differing sets of responses, from feeling queasy to barfing.
Every individual in their life-time experiences different types of anticipation, even in everyday life anticipation can come in various forms such as the wait for the end of classes or the wait to rush home from work. Nothing however, comes close to the anticipation of the return of a loved one.
Many know by now that my girlfriend is completing her exchange program in Hong Kong (HK) and is due to return in 5 days time. She has been gone for a little over 4 months and i've made 2 trips over to hang out, despite being on the phone with each other every day the anticipation of her return hangs over my head like a drunk cupid awaiting the right moment to impale me.
It wouldn't be possible to accurately describe the emotions rushing through me as the day draws closer, because it will be grossly under-rated and barred by the limitations of available vocabulary. It is in fact more like drowning in a sea of anxiety struggling to surface for air while being pushed down deeper by the hands of time. I'm sure when the day arrives i would be holding up a placard at the arrival halls of Changi Airport trying to hold in on my stomach contents as they threaten to regurgitate the day's contents onto the immaculately waxed marble floor. Like a child standing behind the stage of his first school play excitedly prancing about rehearsing his lines when the first flow of anxiety hits and he stops dead in his track clutching his stomach as streams of vomit rush out of his strangled stomach.
Such is the anxiety i feel for her return. It may sound pathetic, or even immature but that is that and there is no other way around it. I am not able to pretend i feel nothing about her return because i would very much sell a kidney or lose an arm in exchange for it.
Zoukout 2008, where party-goers unite to celebrate the union of alcohol and stupidity, a place for revelers to let their mangy hair down, an occasion to throw caution into the wind only to have it smack you back, right in the nose. Put together the equation of cheap booze and loud music and you get the same answer as 25,000 party-goers, a license to go absolutely wild.
Some ravers, like me, got drunk even before stepping into the venue while others were slumped against a tree or lying one the drains by 10.30pm (for the record Zoukout lasts 8pm to 6am). We had a mini-party out in the carpark before entering the venue. We started drinking at 8pm, the rules were simple enough, Car-boot party where everyone brings a bottle along to share with the rest, that comes up to about 30 people with an indefinite amount of booze.
I learnt a good lesson that night, I wasn't very good at finger guessing games. So bad, in fact, that by 10.30pm i was struggling to articulate sentences, by 11pm i was wondering why things were spinning around and by 12am i knew i needed more drinks.
For those who haven't been to a rave party or any party in general, let me give you this piece of advice, the best way to enjoy any party is to get sloshed. Not so piss-drunk that you require the assistance of lamp-posts to stand straight but just so enough that everything around you appears funny and you start to lose control of your feet. If you do not understand what this means you obviously haven't been drinking enough.
By 4am, the effects of the alcohol i consumed earlier came back to haunt me. Naturally i took my leave from friends whilst looking for a safe place to hurl. I contemplated joining the queue for the port-a-loo scattered all over the venue but didn't feel like stepping on someone else's business barefoot. I took a hike along the footpath back to the Beach Carpark area where i knew there will be some clean public toilets only to find the same scenario.
So, i continued walking, all the way to the next beach, away from the crowds and away from the loud music. By then i was all sobered up, but i was too far away to begin walking back plus my feet hurt from walking around barefoot all day. I found a bench and fell asleep like a drunk hobo.
These are the pride of my life. Which goes to show how little pride I have to boast of.
They were heavily discounted. I bought them for about 70 SGD, but they're going for 250 SGD in some quarters. Japanese magazines seem to think this pair of shoes fall within the "limited edition" category, but we can't be sure, considering almost everything comes in a "limited edition" these days.
Very comfortable, and superbly stitched. Like the iPath Grasshopper, the texture of the exterior is worth some praise. It feels like suede (but isn't), and the raised design was one of the things that caught my eye. I was also impressed by the button and striped colours on the tongue of the shoe.
I awoke this morning feeling the usual heavy headedness that ensues a night of endless pursuits downing shots and mixtures. Truth is the month is December, the end of the year and parties are popping up everywhere. The most mundane reasons presents itself as an opportunity to get inebriated.
Friday
Had a casual meet-up with reservist buddies over at a KTV pub in Tanjong Pagar. (2 beer towers)
Headed over to Zouk for Denny's Birthday party (2 bottles of Chivas and a Martell, shots of Jaegerbomb and tequilas)
Saturday
Met up with Justin, Denny, Melodie and Yani at winebar (2 jugs of Whiskey Dry, 2 jugs of Vodka redbull and some bottles of beer somewhere in between i remember 2 shots of flaming Lamborghinis)
Sunday
Justin, Denny, Yap and Yani at Legends Siglap (1 bottle of Chivas)
Bounced over to Zouk for Steve Aoki's set (2 jugs of Whiskey tonic and some Jaegerbombs)
It is clear to see that my liver has taken some punishment over the long weekends. The joys of yesternight's intoxication comes back to haunt me the moment i wake up, with constant headaches and nausea. Feelings of vertigo persists for the next 4-5 hours before the temptation of more drinks drives me back to the gutters. And i still have 2 parties to attend this month, Shawn's super belated birthday celebration (40 bottles of the devil's piss) and Zoukout 2008.
The constant partying has caused my body to disagree with me and as i type in this post with jaundiced fingers, my stomach is churning itself inside out threatening to release its contents over my new laptop. If you cut me now with a knife i'm pretty sure i would bleed vodka.
Anyway, on a lighter note my beloved girlfriend will be coming home in 2 weeks time (Cheers and applause) bringing around more reasons to celebrate. Honestly i can hardly believe that 4 arduous months have come to pass in such a short time. The dread of her departure is now greeted with the anxiety of her return. Daily tele-conversations only increases the anticipation of seeing her again which has now reached a point where i would gladly give up a kidney and a testicle just to have her back in Singapore again. The old adage "Absence makes the heart grow fonder" is proved to be true in this respect.
December is a good month, parties after parties and the return of a loved one.
For the Apple fanatics out there, we've found a lovely skating game for the iPhone. It's called TouchGrind, and it's pretty good.
If you've ever seen or played with a fingerboard, you'll quickly understand TouchGrind's two-finger control system, but it will take some practice to pull off successful tricks.
You get two different parks to skate, each with obstacles, ramps, and rails to perform sick slides and grinds on.
Like the Tony Hawk franchise, you also can unlock secrets as you pass major score milestones.
So for the last 2 months, I have been playing this game, called "Light Heroes", non-stop.
As a result, my eyes are bloodshot, my nose is bloody, and my grades are shot. I wish I never blooded this game. I wish I hadn't taken a shot at becoming Master Ninja of The World. But I did blood the game, and I did take a shot. And to prove it, here are some pictures of my adventures battling monsters and throwing shurikens at denizens of the deep.
Look at all the stuff I've bought! Armour, helmets, leggings, shoes etc
That's me flying in the air, avoiding all the handslaps those fat dudes are aiming at me
Apparently, I am a Senior Class ninja
This is a fantastic game, even if it did leave me mentally incapacitated most of the time. For those of you who want to suffer like I do, I've provided a link:
Spot checks and officers with nothing better to do
When we go back for reservist, nobody expects to be treated like cockroaches or NSFs. Thus, words such as "Fall-in", "Knock it down", "Standby Bed" and any foot-drill commands would be expected to sound unfamiliar and foreign when uttered to Reservist personnel.
It is the general understanding that reservist men are more matured and able to differentiate right from wrong than NSFs and as such are given more leeway when it comes to discipline. 2 Years of NS has taught us the mantra, "Do whatever you want, just don't get caught."
It was the Friday night immediately after our Final Exercise. The emotion in the bunk was a mixture of exhaustion and ecstasy. Everybody knew from experience that after the Final Exercise, everything else was OTOT (Own Time Own Target).
People who know me personally will agree that when it comes to hatching devilish plans, i am second to none. It was one of those occasions when Ken the Man was up to his usual mischief. What better way to celebrate the end of training than to stare down the nozzle of a bottle of beer while trying to empty its contents like your life depended on it?
Beer and Provost, two words that should never be featured in the same sentence. But Ken the Man has hatched a brilliant plan that guarantees the beer to be smuggled into camp successfully. And he did.
So it was 4 guys with 25 bottles of beer between them hunched over near the front of the bunk resting on the floor beside their double bunker beds. We were barely halfway through our first bottle when our Hero went to answer his girlfriend's call in the corridor. Puffing away on my cigarette right outside the backdoor i turned to flick my ash over the parapet. When i turned back to face the corridor i caught a sight that struck fear into my deepest bowels. I could feel my heart cowering as my testicles swung to hug each other, sweat glands opened their floodgates sending streams of perspiration down my panic stricken forehead as my eyes struggled to focus on the approaching figure.
My eyes fought hard to regain focus on the figure as my brain darted to make sense of the visual signals transmitted to it. From a distance of roughly 50m from the door i could make out 3 distinct silvery crests on the figure's shoulders, "Captain" i thought to myself, the red armband depicting the fatal letters "DO" (Duty Officer) confirmed my fears. Surprise Spot Check!!
I turned towards my bunkmates and shouted "OFFICER!! OFFICER!!!" before i turned back to look at the officer, cigarette still in hand. The Captain's pace quickened as 37 pairs of feet scattered to destroy and hide evidence. The officer approached the 3 men standing beside the first 2 rows of beds, i caught sight of a bottle of beer underneath the bed and a pack of Marlboro Ice Mint left for the world to admire. My buddies had shoved all (except one) the bottles of beer they were consuming into an empty locker and locked it before the officer approached. However, they must have been too slow because that was the first place the officer targeted.
CPT. Koh: Open up this locker!
Me: Can't Sir
CPT. Koh: Why not?
Me: Not my locker Sir
CPT. Koh: Get the owner to open it up NOW!
Me: He's having night's off sir, he didn't leave a spare key for any of us.
CPT. Koh: (Visibly agitated) You think i'm stupid is it? I saw you guys stuffing things into it before i entered!
Me: How can you see it before you entered Sir?
CPT. Koh: (Veins popping out already) Who's pack of cigarette is that?
Me: Mine Sir
CPT. Koh: Show me your locker!
I deserve a pat on the back, not only did i almost make the Captain's vein pop but by inspecting my locker first meant that the remaining guys had time to discreetly find better hiding places for their respective contrabands.
The Captain radioed in for 4 more provosts to join him in the bunk while he searched my locker. By the end of the search I was short 2 packs of cigarettes and 1 lighter so i was feeling pretty cranky. The provosts must have relished this experience because they spared no nook or cranny around the room, every possible hiding place was searched and researched. By the end of this experience, only a total of 5 packs of cigarettes were confiscated and no sign of beer and i was the only one caught smoking. Captain Koh left after warning of random checks throughout his duty hours.
Knowing that the next 1 or 2 hours should be the safest as it is unlikely Cpt. Koh would intrude again. Ken the Man and his gang of rowdy rescuers decided to skull the remaining bottles before the next spot check. What a night!
My 8 days of In Camp Training (ICT) is over in the blink of an eye. It is weird how fast it felt. The company of platoon mates washes out Father Time's persistent effort to drizzle salt over my infectious sore.
It is funny how time seems to slow down only when you're pinning for some distant event like the start of a new semester, the approach of vacations or the return of loved ones, only to hasten its paces when your enjoying said vacation. It's like a conspiracy theory drawn up the moment God created life to suck away all it's joys.
This week, I'm introducing the Dekline Deuce. These are simple, straightforward canvas shoes from the Dekline team (Jason Adams, Jason Lee etc). But one thing that sets them apart from your usual Chuck Taylor's is the comfort. The shoes are well padded, and the insoles provide some serious support for the arches of your feet. I bought them for about 35SGD, which I think is acceptable for the quality. If I had more money, I would have bought the Sixer, or the Plaza. Rating for the Dekline Deuce: 5 stars out of 10.
