I awoke this afternoon looking and feeling like i had been in a fight... and lost.
I knew from experience that the pounding in my head and the growling in my stomach can only mean that i have been drinking last night... too much.
I turned to my right and faced my gf asking, "Where did we go last night?"
I no longer had any clue where we went and how we got home.
We had just finished our new year shopping when we got a call over dinner asking us to join Denny and Justin at the coffee shop opposite zouk for some "Beer" before hitting the clubs. Instinctively i knew "Beer" meant we will be chugging down the big boys later.
My mind raced back to the past monday where we celebrated Justin's first day of work at Newton Circus with 5 crates of Beer. We ordered so many beer the stall ran out of Heineken so we had to pinch our noses while chugging down Tiger. A part of me feared what will follow while another part was screaming "LET'S DO IT!!"
So we met them at the coffee shop as we discussed where to go. Plans were thrown around with no results. Until someone mentioned O Bar. Apparently O Bar is the cheapest watering hole in Singapore. One shot of Tequila goes for $3 while a jug of vodka red bull goes for $18.
Me: Fuck off that is too cheap, no one sells drinks at that price
Justin: I'm serious that's what i heard from someone
Denny: Maybe we should check it out since we're near
Kelly: I thought we're going home early?
Me: Yah early in the morning
(Kelly is my gf for those that do not know)
So we dropped our cars off at Zouk's valet before grabbing a cab towards O Bar. Rationalising that we will eventually end our night at Zouk anyway.
Me: Fuck we have to pay cover? I thought it was a bar?
Justin: Wah its not cheap leh
Me: We need to drink enough to justify our cover charge man
The guys had to each pay $30 while i paid an additional $15 for Kelly. Pissed at not being provided free drinks with our cover charge we headed towards the bar which was teeming with youngsters. When i say youngsters i meant kids that look like they're enjoying their JC or poly holidays or NS Guys.
Finally we managed to secure a spot near the bar after spending 15 minutes navigating through sweaty bodies.
Justin: How much is one jug of Vodka Red Bull
Waitress: $12
Justin: WHAT??!!
Justin: Give me 4 jugs
Me: How much is one shot of Tequila
Waitress: $3
Me: Fuck me
Me: Give me 10 shots and 2 jugs of vodka red bull
So there we were 4 persons with a disgusting excess of alcohol. By the end of the night we had ordered another 8 jugs of vodka, 3-4 rounds of Jaegerbombs, some bottles of beer and Yanie bought another tray of shots when she arrived.
I had no idea how i got home and i didn't remember going to Zouk after O Bar until my gf told me this afternoon. Apparently i got the valet to send us home for $60 and i spent most of my time in zouk giving their toilet bowl a blowjob.
The next time someone suggests going to O Bar i'm gonna make everyone vow not to spend more than $50 each.
After Ken The Man's fantastic free flow story, I promised to add some pictures to this blog, detailing the kind of debauchery that goes on in London under my aegis. However, as I am lazy, I will post only one picture. But believe me when I say this was a particularly crazy night.
To protect the identities of my 14 guests, I have chosen to cover the face of this particular person with a signature seal. I have also tastefully omitted some of the more obscene photos in my collection, as well as the large number of videos I have at my disposal.
This man spent most of the night with his right hand in the toilet bowl, accompanied by his puke and his faeces. He later moved to the bathtub, where he proceeded to vomit all over himself. He, however, had the good sense not to move his bowels in the bathtub.
The next day, when things had quietened down, I realised there were
(i) broken shards of glass in the toilet, along with some blood on the floor;
(ii) lots of vomit spewed all over the television, the sofa, and the landing to the flat;
(iii) lots of faecal material on and in the toilet bowl, and some faecal material in the shower;
(iv) 23 empty bottles of stella, 19 empty bottles of wine, 6 empty bottles of absolut, 3 empty bottles of absinthe, and 1 half empty bottle of tequila;
(v) random pills strewed all over and underneath the sofa;
(vi) one blue-coloured bra stuffed into the trash can; and
(vii) most amazingly, TWO bicycles in the living room that did not belong to me or my flatmates.
The clean-up took me Saturday, Sunday, and most of Monday. My flatmates did not help because the guests were mine, and to be honest, I didn't dare ask for help. I left the bicycles in the landing, not being quite sure what to do with them.
So there you go. One crazy night, 2 weeks of repentance and still counting.
It isn't everyday the commercial aspect of alcohol and partying decide to give handouts in the form of "Free Flow" and "Free Food". So you know that when they do we will party even harder.
Cafe Del Mar celebrated its 2nd anniversary the past Saturday and had us on the guest list as VIPs. Not only that, they were celebrating it with a generous quantity of free food and drinks. With this promise we knew we had to be there, what else can possibly take precedence over this event we asked ourselves.
Del Mar had 10 of us on their guest list, but it wasn't an issue because those that were not on the guest list can always ride off the overflowing glasses we had at the table. The official event started at 6.30pm with the buffet scheduled for 7pm. We were already at Siloso beach since 2pm gulping down cans of beer which we had brought in our icebox.
Drinking beer against the backdrop of the setting sun was the highlight of the night, the picturesque scenery coupled with the promise of free alcohol fueled our spirits as we counted down the hours before dinner.
At this point it probably sounds like we are cheap bastards and bargain hunters out for cheap thrills. Well there is no hiding the fact, we are cheap bastards. Years and years of spending money to get drunk has cultivated a seeded hatred for commercialism in which culminated in a showdown on the very beaches of Siloso Beach. So when the free flow started flowing, so did we.
By the time the buffet started we were already well into our 3rd or 4th bottle of beer. After about 2-3 servings of dinner we were way past the legal limit. Hell who are we kidding we were past the limit at 4pm and now we were just challenging the boundaries of human endurance. Waves upon waves of beer were sent to our table while we played games, somewhere along the lines these games included a competition to see who amongst us could empty an entire bottle of beer in one single gulp, and the fastest at that too. The loser, of course, had to finish another bottle of beer.
After about 12 bottles of beer, each, we decided to switch to my choice cocktail "Vodka Red Bull". A this point we were the loudest, noisiest table in the VIP area, I'm not shitting we were so loud the people around us were avoiding us. And our table was the only one which truly understood the meaning of "Free Flow", clearly evident with the amount of empty bottles and glasses littering our sides. Take a look at the picture below, you can actually still see empty bottles stashed under our tables, and the new drinks which were overflowing onto deck stools and the floor.
I couldn't find any picture depicting the sorry scene at other tables but they were mostly limited to under 5 bottles scattered around. It actually got so crazy the waiter refused to serve us more drinks till we have finished our current stockpile. I had to approach a waiter from another section to serve us cos the ones in our section all hated us.
By 9pm we were reasonably tanked and decided to sober up by taking a swim, this was where we met this expat dude whom we shall refer to as Antonio (Remembering names while tanked is one thing i have no talent for). Antonio was either more tanked than us or he was very generous because after spending 15 mins in the pool body slamming and spearing each other he sent over 2 bottles of Moet & Chandon to our tables. This would seem crazy on a normal day because one bottle of Moet must have costed like $150-$180 at a place like this. But in our inebriated states, we all hailed him as our hero for the night and proceeded to drink the champagne straight out of the bottle.
One stranger i clearly remember meeting that night was another expat called "Jesus". I'm not shitting because i checked his identification.
Me: Hey mate, what's your name?
Expat: Jesus!
Me: Fuck off!
Jesus: Check it (Hands me his ID)
Me: Fuck Me! I'm drinking with Jesus!!
Jesus: HAHAHA!!
Not surprisingly Jesus was the discovery of the night, everybody had to have a drink with Jesus. After the 11th toast Jesus wasn't looking so thrilled anymore and went back to avoiding us.
We were all feeling very friendly all of a sudden and proceeded to make friends with random people around us. This included the group of 3 malays beside our table and some random people shuffling on the dance floor, all the while shoving bottles and cups into their faces.
Me: Dude this is crazy, it's like we're taking revenge on all the money we spent in clubs!
Justin: Yeah man!! We need more drinks!! (Proceeds to order another round from shocked waiter)
By the time my girlfriend and Kristy arrived pass 12am, the free flow had ended, much to the relief of the waiters in our section. We proceeded to Boo the bartender before ordering 2 more jugs of Vodka Red Bull during the ensuing "One-For-One" promotion. Armed with 4 jugs of "Paid" vodka we proceeded to invade the dancefloor leaving those who have fallen asleep on the sofa-beds behind.
When most of the drunkenness has been washed away by the sea-water and the pool, i noticed a patch of redness on the heel of my foot. The blood had dried up by this time and the wound was infested with sand and dirt (I had no idea how or when i was injured). Worried that the wound might get infected by the sand and dirt, my mind raced through various medical scenarios which all resulted in amputation such as Gangrene and Necrosis.
With concise medical knowledge i ripped the skin flap off the cut and washed the wound with a mixture of seawater and beer. Proud of my achievements i proceeded back into dance-floor only to have the wound infested with sand and dirt again. With Alcohol clouding my brain and blocking out the pain, i made the decision to risk amputation for the name of Fun.
Honestly though, i don't think the wound will be so badly infected, after all i did hang out with Jesus, even offered him drinks, why would he condemn me to amputation?
By 4am the "sleepers" had woken up and came out of their nest to join us. That was also the time we heard the single most foul statement.
I just had an exam about a few hours ago. Just before i was about to hand it up, i realised ive read the damn qn wrongly. Wtf man. I love 2009!!! posted by John T at
1:39 AM
//Tuesday, January 13, 2009 8:36 PM
My Beautiful Shoes - Zoo York
This week, I'm reviewing a pair of Zoo Yorks. I bought these a few years ago, in London, only to discover that Ken The Man had also bought a pair in Singapore. This is the second time we've bought the same shoes (the first time, it was the es Sword, which we bought at Spitfire because we felt loving at the time).
These Zoo Yorks are hardy and thickly padded around the ankles. I broke the shoes in travelling in Paris, and while I got blisters the first few days, the shoes eventually turned out to be very comfortable.
The level of detail is good, especially on the inner soles, where the right and left shoes are printed with the words "Goofy" and "Regular" respectively. I paid slightly less than 130 SGD for these.
So we've been trying to get all those people who we used to skate with to do some guest writing on this blog. Most of them have disappeared from the scene. Some, like Roobsie Baby, have escaped to a whole different country. So far, we've invited:
Kelvin - will always be revered for splitting his shin in half and bleeding copious amounts of thick, black blood all over the playground at Marine Terrace. Needed 28 stitches to close the 9 inch gash. Never skated since.
Roobsie Baby - will always be revered for bringing copious amounts of absorbent material to soak up the blood left by Kelvin (Roobsie Baby lived in a flat overlooking the playground and overheard our pleas for help). Has since left the country in an attempt to overcome his fear and loathing for thick, black blood.
Dino - will always be revered for consistently ignoring our invitations to write on this blog.
Taiwan - will always be revered for happily adopting the name Taiwan.
Happy New Year my dear friends! To our loyal sex fiends, tubular monstrosities and other curious spectators, here is a preview of what you can expect for 2009:
More of the popular "My Beautiful Shoes" series
A new Trick Tip segment from the trick tip guru himself
Random rants
Weird news from around the world (remember the world's largest skateboard we featured?)
Insightful commentaries on the nature of evil
Insightful commentaries on the nature of good
Incisive analyses of the human anatomy
Mind-boggling original artwork, also from the trick tip guru himself
