Just in case. If we ever say something stupid, please note that said stupidity is ours, and ours alone. Our stupidity! You can’t have it!
//Friday, October 31, 2008 12:17 AM
Best Man Ruins Wedding
Poolside wedding gets epically ruined by best man. Probably had too much to drink at the bachelor party last night, for the same reason, John should be my best man instead of Kurt. HAHAHAHA sorry dude.
Students of Jerry Havill's Team Problem Solving, Bay de Noc Community College
WHAT:
9.4 m (31 ft 0.5 in) long, 2.4 m (8 ft) wide and 1.19 m (47 in) high
WHERE:
Escanaba, Michigan, United States
WHEN:
August 17, 2007
The largest Skateboard measured 9.4 m (31 ft 0.5 in) long, 2.4 m (8 ft) wide and 1.19 m (47 in) high; it was designed and produced by a team of students in Jerry Havill's Team Problem Solving course at Bay de Noc Community College (all USA) in Escanaba, Michigan, United States, on 17 August 2007.
This Dad probably thinks its cool to film this on video then posting it on the net for everyone to see. Well now we know never to let dumb people reproduce. Seriously man hundreds and thousands of sperm and you were the fastest?
Let me say that this is by far the funniest video I've seen in a while.
The host of an Indian reality TV show slaps one of the contestants, but doesn't expect to be slapped back. What ensues is an exchange as surreal as it is funny.
"How can she slap!?!?!"
"How can you slap her back!?!?!? You BAAAAAASTUUUUUUUURD!"
Thanks to those of you who entered the competition for an Enuff skrome deck. We received 29 entries, which meant one had a greater chance of winning the deck than getting diarrhoea in India. Some of those answers were absolutely RUBBISH, and a few of you were obviously taking the piss, but most of you got it right. The correct answer, as you all know by now, is Danny Way. We had entries ranging from "Danny Devito" to "the Chad Muska", but after some coin tossing, we settled on one winner. That winner is Andrew See, who lives in Marine Parade, and he will be receiving a parcel within the next week (or two weeks, if the Royal Mail screws us over).
The Big Balls Daily would like to thank Tocsin Hardware for their generous sponsorship, without which we could not have arranged this little competition. Scott (the guy who owns Tocsin) refused initially to be named, or to have any mention of the skate shop on this blog. He felt it was "f**ked up that coughing up a couple of quid means I get to be glorified as some god on some shitty website or pamphlet". But after we proved that this blog wasn't comparable to your usual "shitty website", Scott relented.
Look out for the next competition. Once we find another sucker/ sponsor, or once we manage to persuade Scott to give us some more money, the rewards will be a-plenty.
Check out this videos of Ghostly apparitions caught on video. The CCTV footage is rumored to be taken from an office building in Singapore's Central Business District.
Converse will be pushing out a new line of shoes in conjunction with the "Kurt Cobain Estate". Finally 14 years after his death we can now wear the memory of Kurt on our feet in doing so we would be able to support Courtney Love's escalating drug habits all for just USD $59.99 at Converse. That's like killing 2 birds with one stone or rather killing Courtney faster with our "donations" to the Kurt Cobain Estate.
It has always been in Kurt's principles not to sellout.
This blog is really in need of a facelift. posted by John T at
6:45 PM
// 3:56 AM
Crisps are good for you.
I must say that Pringles Sour Cream and Onion is really good. Snacking moderately is fine but indulgence is not. But what the hell, you only live life once.
Pringles = £2.00 Bus Fare to the clinic when your body f*cks up = £1.70 Living the Moment! - Priceless.
posted by John T at
3:56 AM
// 1:43 AM
Don't Diss the Tech Deck
It's pretty easy to categorise Tech Deckers as a bunch of spotty juveniles in need of love and care. But after choking on my greasy corndog while watching this video, I figured they could all be forgiven, spots and all.
I realised how quiet the night had become when the buzzing sound in your ear reaches a crescendo. An attempt to rid the buzzing was futile even though Dashboard was on repeat, it just gets worst. It gets worst due to the fact that there are voluminous texts and notes waiting to be read and ‘appreciated’.
My mind wondered, wondering why life is mundane and dull, wondering what I can do to give it some colour and excitement. Experiencing a sudden epiphany, the solution is to do something ‘crazy’ again.
You should ask yourself this - when was the last time you did something ‘crazy’ and out of this world; when was the last time you head out to do something without any inhibitions? If it is in a skating context, it would be the same as an attempt to k/f off 12 stairs or an attempt to crook your neighbourhood’s handrail without wondering if you’re gonna break your ankle or not.
Yeah, so it’s true we make mistakes, but life won’t be the same without making mistakes. You won’t land a trick without attempting it, and you definitely won’t know how good you’ve become til you actually land a trick followed by an explosion of compliments and applause from your neighbourhood skaters.
So a word of advice, whatever you are thinking of doing right now, Just Do It.
What happens to a person when the trip of their life has ended?
What happens to a person when the period of reckless abandonment has ended?
I got a taste of the forbidden fruit, I was allowed to go on a trip which at first seemed impossible. While glad that my boss agreed to approve my application and sponsor the trip, the only soreness came in that the it couldn't be prolonged. Thus, four days of ecstasy has come and gone faster than desired.
Isn't it sad that the times that you look forward to the most will most often be the times that passes by the fastest?
Now, instead of feeling relaxed and energised i am feeling torn and haggard like the very essence and meaning of my life has been sucked away by some unknown force. Sitting in this cubicle reminds me of the days building up towards the trip, what a contrast against the images flashing in my mind now.
Well nothing can be done now I will just have to bite the bullet and press on hoping the withdrawal symptoms will subside soon.
Andy MacDonald has come in second place, yet again, in a vert competition.
This time round, he lost out to Canada's Pierre-Luc Gagnon, who won the Skateboard Vert in the PlayStation Pro to take the Dew Cup title as the season champion.
Andy Mac has been the almost-man for the last decade in vert skating, and it looks like that status is not about to change any time soon.
Skateboarding and Dance Dance Revo - Merging the Two
We have just had news that the next game in the Tony Hawk gaming series will come with a skateboard controller.
This means that instead of an Xbox/ PS3 controller that you hold in your hand, you could very well be jumping around on an actual skateboard.
Is it just me, or is the plan quite silly? The only reason we love the game is because it lets us do all the tricks we can't do in real life, on A REAL BOARD.
Watch the video, grab your deck, head out and bust those sick tricks.
posted by John T at
7:31 AM
//Thursday, October 16, 2008 3:47 PM
T Minus 30 Minutes
The time is drawing close, i have found nirvana. Every insult thrown at me sounds like a compliment now. I am in a state where no issues clog my mind and nothing is too ugly for my eyes to feast upon. Economic Recession, not my problem, Global Warming, we'll learn to live with it, Over-Population, Love thy neighbour.
I will be leaving for home in 30 minutes, pick up my backpack, say goodbye to my mum and take a cab down to the airport. I figure i have some time to do some "Panic Packing". This is a term I came up with, it is last minute packing with a twist. It is a state of mind where you are so excited and hyped about travelling you start to disregard signals from your brain while packing your stuff. This is when you start throwing random stuff into you backpack without stopping to let your brain assess how important or trivial it is.
A likely scenario: (Normal Packing)
Brain: Hmm.... Socks, let's keep them close to the shoes and away from the clothes so they dont get dirtied. [Sends a message to hands]
Hands:[Receives the message in good order]Yes, good idea there i will arrange them neatly beside the boxers.
Brain: Yes, yes right there beside the boxers. Well done, good thinking dude let's finish this up and go grab a beer together.
Panic Packing:
Brain: Hmm.... Socks, let's keep them close to the shoes and away from the clothes so they dont get dirtied. [Sends a message to hands]
Hands: [Already has the socks stuffed on top of clothes and beside tupperwares of food]
Brain: Dude!! What the Fuck!! That is disgusting, you are not listening to my instructions anymore
Hands: Shut your mouth you drunk bitch, you're not the boss of me!! [Grabs TV remote and dumps into backpack]
Brain: Hey Jackass!!! Why'd you take the remote, you can't use it there
Hands: Lies!! I use them everyday, just shut the fuck up and leave me alone!!
You will be surprised what you find in your backpack after a short session of panic packing, i once found 2 pairs of shoelaces and a tube of glue in my backpack. Like "How the fuck did that get there?".
If terrorists were any smarter they would have blamed everything on panic packing.
Officer: Bombs?
Achmed: No idea how that got there.... Panic Packing
Officer: Figured....Next
Oh shit, i don't have much time left see you guys when i get back. In the meantime Kurt and John will keep you guys entertained and i will update when i get back.
Earlier when i was counting down the hours, the minute hand seemed to take an eternity to finish one complete cycle around. But now, it seems to be mocking me into submission, all my plan is coming full circle and deadlines suddenly become very real and threatening.
I glanced across the room trying to spot anybody that looks free enough to share my load. Bull, everybody has mastered the art of feigning ignorance and looking busy. I immerse myself once again amidst the cacophony of keyboards and mouse clicks to complete the quotation that i am working on while my mind is already on holiday sipping hot tea and munching on steaming hot dimsum.
I proceed to gulp down my coffee before furiously tapping at my calculator, working with a vengeance as i throw occasional insults at the fucking clock.
It is lunch time now, that means i have survived half the day in the office, i deserve a raise or maybe a slight pat on the back in the form of some monetary reward. My mind keeps racing through my checklist from yesterday determining whether i have missed out anything. I am beginning to find myself unproductive today, I am actually deliberating my work trying to buy time.
My mind is a mess from the exhilaration and anxiety building up as the hours pass. My biggest enemy now is time.
I realise all the insults i have thrown at the office clock has come back full swing on me now. The little motherfucker is refusing to tick, or its ticking so slowly an amputated turtle could win in a race around the clock face. I start throwing insults at the clock trying to reduce it to tears so it will tick faster. Time is a bitch.
I am foregoing my lunch break to finish up on my tasks. Cup noodles will be the only thing filling my stomach till the lovely in-flight meal by Cathay Pacific. Yes i have booked a flight on Cathay Pacific because it is only $60 more than a ticket with Jetstar. A little more to pay for in-flight meals and entertainment, a good bargain i reckon.
The time now is 10am i have been in the office for almost 1 hour. I rush to finish up my existing clarifications when i noticed a new clarification in my 'in' tray. I look at it and realise it's a replica of the one i'm doing now, except it is addressed to a sister company. Not knowing what to do with this foreign material, the left side of my brain flashes picture cards of likely suspects as the right side proceeds to ritualistically dismember the suspect.
Not being familiar with the operation of the sister company i hand it over to one of my thickheaded directors. I already knew she is incapable of making sense of the paper that now lies on her desk. I block out her whines with my imaginary evil grin and proceed to finish up the original copy. I wouldn't have objected to replicating the clarification for the sister company but i just wanted to give her more work to do instead of seeing her pacing up the office complaining about furniture arrangements and overall cleanliness.
I pat myself on the back as i see her frown over the piece of paper that must have been in a foreign language to her.
I arrive at the office feeling energised, i cannot remember the last time i felt so happy going to work. Oh wait, yeah the last time i felt so happy was every payday, but today is different, today marks the day i will leave for the airport straight after work.
I devised a plan to avoid taking on anymore commitments for the day. Two years in National Service teaches you that. Shirking responsibility is as easy as telling the Duty Officer (DO), "Sir, I'm not the platoon / bunk IC! Sir!". Sometimes this plan backfires, that's when you tell the DO "Sir, I'm on Light Duty Sir!". This gets you off all forms of physical punishments, in my opinion sweeping the officer's mess or bunk is infinitely better than running 6 rounds around the soccer field.
Thus, my itinerary for the day became:
Requests for Quotation: Buy time
Requests for Information: Assess weight, OK if reply is shorter than 2 sentences
Reply to Enquiries: Answer queries 2 hours after receipt to signify "Busy Mode"
Requests for Clarification: Forward to relevant departments
On-Going Tenders: Finish up as much as possible, minimizing "Work" calls during holiday
Projects on Hand: Briefing with whoever is appointed to cover my ass (Good Luck)
You may think i am being lazy but i assure you i am not. This methods just ensure that i will not be disturbed by 'work' related calls on holiday. Having worked here for 2 years, i fully understand how long each task takes to be accomplished and whether there is going to be follow-up queries and the last thing i want is to be jolted awake by the phone mid-sleep in the hotel or in between chews of the lovely dim sum lunches.
I was the first to reach the office today too, that's new. I almost forgot if i had the office key with me, I am not used to being first and have no idea how to switch on all the lights and equipments, I head to the canteen for a cup of coffee and a smoke. I praise myself for the quick thinking as i sipped my morning coffee (a first).
"Get a grip on yourself." I told myself for the twenty-seventh time as i sit in the office while my mind raced through the things i should remember to pack for the trip.
I began to prepare a checklist for the most mundane stuff:
Shoes: 1 Slipper / 1 for Jeans / 1 for Skinnies / 3 Socks
Caps: 2 Pairs (Colour Code with Outfit)
Chargers (iPhone, HTC Diamond, Camera)
Spare Memory Card
Things that absolutely made no difference whether or not they were remembered, but only served to fuel my mounting excitement and anxiety. To more critical items that could jeopardize or annul the entire trip:
Passport (Note: Expiry Date)
Online Booking Receipts (Verify Dates!!)
Online Check-In Slip (Save Check-In Time in Phone with Alarm Set 2 Hours Prior)
Set Second Alarm In-Case First One Fails
Double Check Alarm Date and Time
Check Currency Rate (Verify Tamil Money Changer is not a Cheat)
Check Weather Forecast (Is There any Typhoon Alert?)
Call Hotel / Verify Check-In Time & Request Late Check-Out
Double check Health Report Book to Confirm Self not Suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
Wait....... Which Terminal is it Again?!
The last time i felt so excited about anything was the first day of secondary school. You may laugh at this but note that i came from an all BOYS primary school to a boys-GIRLS secondary school. I swear there were times when i felt my heart threatening to climb out of my mouth ever-since my leave was approved, and that's just from counting down the days to departure.
I can almost imagine myself experiencing periodical blackouts while i pack my luggage and the taxi-driver announcing our arrival at the airport only to find me convulsing and foaming at the mouth in his back seat.
This time round though, she won't be meeting me at the airport, which is the worse thing, because that prolongs my anticipation. Thus, i will be known to all the locals that see me that day as "That convulsing foreign kid i met in the train the other day, i think he has Tourette's though so stop laughing". Maybe i should play some Hip-Hop on my iPhone so people will think i'm popping instead of having muscles spasms, maybe some will throw money at me even.
Jokes aside, i am really looking forward to this trip, although my last visit was only last month it actually feels longer. I miss her more now than i was prepared to, and i had prepared myself to miss her a great deal. So if you're staying in HK and you happen to come across an incredibly handsome tourist with Tourette's Syndrome. Be kind. Don't Laugh.
Rob Thompson, a New Zealander, completed the world's longest journey by skateboard, skating approximately 12 thousand kilometres in Europe, North America and China.
These days, everyone is talking about issues in the world namely:
Pollution
Depleting Resources
Overpopulation
Financial Crisis
Nuclear Weapons
Genocide
Hate
Military Might
In truth, if God was as tech-savvy as we were now he would have given each of the major governments a overall solution to these problems. He tried to give us 'Captain Planet' but he looked too much like a clown to be taken seriously. But if God had enough foresight he would have given us a 'Reset' button.
Think about it, what cannot be solved by the 'Reset' Button?
Ooops killed the wrong ethnic group... Reset!
Over-zealous investments... Reset!
Inefficient use of resources... Reset!
Nuclear Warhead dropped on wrong country... Reset!
Reversed onto the neighbour's dog... Reset!
Waking up next to a transvestite.... Reset!
Bad blog entry... Reset!
You catch my drift, Sony and Microsoft were smart enough to incorporate this marvelous invention in all their gaming machines. And there were countless times in my life where i wished i had a 'Reset' button installed somewhere on my body. I tried searching all over my body but couldn't find it. I figured that when god created man he meant to incorporate this invention on the human body. But because the technology then was too backwards he had to leave this invention to a later date then he could recall Adam and Eve to have them configured.
Unknown to God though, Adam and Eve got too excited exploring themselves and began to reproduce like 2 hamsters on steroids and now we have a population crisis all over the world. Yes, Adam and Eve are to be blamed for our current problems because now God is not able to recall everybody and we're stuck with a missing organ.
Yes, it's true what do you think is the purpose of our belly buttons?
Well of course, that is the slot where the 'Reset' button should have been.
God works in funny ways though so maybe someday, just someday, we will all be called back to have our buttons re-instated. Then all the problems of the world will be solved.
That must be God's plan for us, at least i wish, there are too many creations by God that remain to be explained or solved. But I'm sure God already has a master plan for us, he always does and God is fair in maintaining the fine balance between treats and suffering.
Example:
As a treat, God made the Indians geniuses in solving IT related problems, but wait, they're in the hottest place in the world and as a joke God made them hairy.
The Chinese will be superstitious and a highly religious breed so let's give them 600 deities to be loyal to.
The Japanese will be known for their high standards for quality and innovation but don't applaud yet cos they are gonna be stuck with the tiniest wieners.
It seems occasionally the darkness would confuse you by throwing you a candle. With the lighted candle you begin to see the beautiful carvings adorning the walls of the tunnel. Under the candle's illumination you suddenly see the beautiful side of the tunnel.
And for a moment you stop to wonder whether you should continue walking or turn to run back. The illumination from the candle allows you to see beautiful things for mere minutes before plunging you into darkness again and leaves you wondering whether all the struggle within is really worth the effort... at all.
Now, I'm left with the biggest dilemma, whether to turn and run or stay and await the next candle thrown at me?
Damn these carvings seem so magical it engulfs you and you begin to imagine a life beyond your boundaries a life filled with riches. A promise of a good life beyond this abyss, I turn to look at the light behind me and wonder, "What a tangled web we weaved"
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to return to the good old days when you could get away with anything? A time when things around you seemed really simple, and the only big decision you have to face daily is whether to watch Mickey Mouse or Ghostbusters. And for that matter I still wonder why my parents kept asking me to change my “suspenders” then, at that age really there isn’t much to suspend.
Anyway as we grow older we start to realise that the world is disgustingly messed up, and makes you regret wanting to grow up faster. For one, the bright big world is now ruled by some tyrannical monster and everything is dictated by how much money we have in the bank. It seems being the biggest angriest kid in the playground does not automatically make you the boss anymore, well unless you’re in WWE or UFC.
But seriously, have you ever stopped to wonder what your life would be like if you had chosen another path instead of walking down this dark endless tunnel?
I, for one, have chosen the darker path and it’s too late to turn back now because the darkness is drawing me in. The darkness is like a demon unleashed from hell to mock my decision to walk this path, it is also angry that I have insulted his mistress. Every time I try to run back, the darkness will grab hold of my feet with his fiery hands and pull me in deeper into the tunnel. Every time I reach out into the light, he is there telling me that the lights would blind my eyes. I try to escape, but the darkness has a presence so overwhelming that the voices in my head are convincing me that there is light too at the end of this tunnel.
For now, I am stuck along the lines I have chosen to walk, my only consolation is that I can still see the light from where I came and the moment the darkness is unawares I will make a sprint for the light.
