When we go back for reservist, nobody expects to be treated like cockroaches or NSFs. Thus, words such as "Fall-in", "Knock it down", "Standby Bed" and any foot-drill commands would be expected to sound unfamiliar and foreign when uttered to Reservist personnel.
It is the general understanding that reservist men are more matured and able to differentiate right from wrong than NSFs and as such are given more leeway when it comes to discipline. 2 Years of NS has taught us the mantra, "Do whatever you want, just don't get caught."
It was the Friday night immediately after our Final Exercise. The emotion in the bunk was a mixture of exhaustion and ecstasy. Everybody knew from experience that after the Final Exercise, everything else was OTOT (Own Time Own Target).
People who know me personally will agree that when it comes to hatching devilish plans, i am second to none. It was one of those occasions when Ken the Man was up to his usual mischief. What better way to celebrate the end of training than to stare down the nozzle of a bottle of beer while trying to empty its contents like your life depended on it?
Beer and Provost, two words that should never be featured in the same sentence. But Ken the Man has hatched a brilliant plan that guarantees the beer to be smuggled into camp successfully. And he did.
So it was 4 guys with 25 bottles of beer between them hunched over near the front of the bunk resting on the floor beside their double bunker beds. We were barely halfway through our first bottle when our Hero went to answer his girlfriend's call in the corridor. Puffing away on my cigarette right outside the backdoor i turned to flick my ash over the parapet. When i turned back to face the corridor i caught a sight that struck fear into my deepest bowels. I could feel my heart cowering as my testicles swung to hug each other, sweat glands opened their floodgates sending streams of perspiration down my panic stricken forehead as my eyes struggled to focus on the approaching figure.
My eyes fought hard to regain focus on the figure as my brain darted to make sense of the visual signals transmitted to it. From a distance of roughly 50m from the door i could make out 3 distinct silvery crests on the figure's shoulders, "Captain" i thought to myself, the red armband depicting the fatal letters "DO" (Duty Officer) confirmed my fears. Surprise Spot Check!!
I turned towards my bunkmates and shouted "OFFICER!! OFFICER!!!" before i turned back to look at the officer, cigarette still in hand. The Captain's pace quickened as 37 pairs of feet scattered to destroy and hide evidence. The officer approached the 3 men standing beside the first 2 rows of beds, i caught sight of a bottle of beer underneath the bed and a pack of Marlboro Ice Mint left for the world to admire. My buddies had shoved all (except one) the bottles of beer they were consuming into an empty locker and locked it before the officer approached. However, they must have been too slow because that was the first place the officer targeted.
CPT. Koh: Open up this locker!
Me: Can't Sir
CPT. Koh: Why not?
Me: Not my locker Sir
CPT. Koh: Get the owner to open it up NOW!
Me: He's having night's off sir, he didn't leave a spare key for any of us.
CPT. Koh: (Visibly agitated) You think i'm stupid is it? I saw you guys stuffing things into it before i entered!
Me: How can you see it before you entered Sir?
CPT. Koh: (Veins popping out already) Who's pack of cigarette is that?
Me: Mine Sir
CPT. Koh: Show me your locker!
I deserve a pat on the back, not only did i almost make the Captain's vein pop but by inspecting my locker first meant that the remaining guys had time to discreetly find better hiding places for their respective contrabands.
The Captain radioed in for 4 more provosts to join him in the bunk while he searched my locker. By the end of the search I was short 2 packs of cigarettes and 1 lighter so i was feeling pretty cranky. The provosts must have relished this experience because they spared no nook or cranny around the room, every possible hiding place was searched and researched. By the end of this experience, only a total of 5 packs of cigarettes were confiscated and no sign of beer and i was the only one caught smoking. Captain Koh left after warning of random checks throughout his duty hours.
Knowing that the next 1 or 2 hours should be the safest as it is unlikely Cpt. Koh would intrude again. Ken the Man and his gang of rowdy rescuers decided to skull the remaining bottles before the next spot check. What a night!
posted by Ken The Man at
