The Big Balls Daily

You can take the man out of the street, but you can never take the street out of the man

2010-07-17T10:51:00.002+08:00

Sorry for missing out in action for so many months. Work has taken a toll on our bodies and mind.

It is no secret that the three contributors of this blog, Kurt, John and me, became fast friends through skateboarding. It still remains the social thread that binds us together so tightly all these years.

The best times we've had still remains those days when we were more innocent, younger, poorer and without the pressure of meeting month end targets, client proposals or research. When i look back on those days i wonder if any of us had, for a second, imagined the profession we had joined in the end.

I know i didn't.

It seems that over the years, as more responsibilities and deadlines invade our live and calendars, the less time we have left for skating. This is a shame, when you consider the fact that this may be the only avenue we have left for any form of exercise.

Running is a bore, the gym is a chore and swimming?...... What's the fun in that?

During those impressionable days, i remember a pact being made one night after the wheels stopped spinning and the perspiration began to evaporate from our brow. Kurt and me, made a friend called Mel through one of such skate sessions. At the time, Mel and friends were about the age we are now. And most of them were working and drove cars. Something that seems far off for us at that age.

The most important thing about Mel and friends were, they were ripping the spot.

Although leading their busy work life, they still managed to practice the craft that probably brought them together in the first place. It was at this point that impressionable Kurt and Kenny decided that even when we started working, we would find the time every weekend for a skate session.

We may have sealed the deal with a shake.

Over the years, our careers have brought us further and further away from this deal. My job made me want to go out and get drunk when the weekends approach. Kurt's job took him halfway around the world to London. John's job made it essential for him to study overseas for the past few years.

When it seems that all hope of ever seeing any of us on a skateboard again is fading away, destiny intercedes.

Justin and Chloe, bought a pair of roller-blades earlier last week with the intention of staying healthy. They promptly initiated a blading session along East Coast Park, since it was a walking distance for me, i decided to join them. Not with blades, but with my retiree skateboard.

Skating was obviously more exhausting and draining than blading, so i was distanced from the pack in a matter of minutes. Pushing my board alone, hearing the distinct sound the wheels made as they rolled across the bumps and dirt on the concrete, popping the tail up for a few seconds of manual time, feeling the breeze fumble my shirt, tickling my face, it re-ignited a fire deep down beside me.

It made me remember those times we had running away from cops, skating from one spot to another in the cool night air.

I decided then, that i should start skateboarding again, alone if that's what it takes.

And so i did, I made a trip down to the new East Coast Skatepark two days later immediately after work and skated alone till the lights went out.

And this evening i got invited to join some guys at Bedok for a short session with their home-made fun-box.

That one session i had alone at East Coast, made me feel young again, for a few hours, the stress of deadlines and targets were lifted completely off my chest. Instead, the only pre-occupation that persisted was the desire to land the next trick.

Ride Hard!

This is how you skate

2010-05-16T19:11:00.000+08:00

I seriously doubt the practical application of the Guardian's guide to skateboarding:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/gallery/2010/may/12/how-to-start-skateboarding

Step 1

First things first. To get on a skateboard, stand to the right of the board. Keep your right leg on the floor by the front right wheel, and step your left leg on to the board. Position it over the front bolts, foot facing forwards.NB. These instructions suit most right-handers - switch sides if you're left-handed or don't feel comfortable

Step 2
Step your right leg up on to the board, positioning it over the back bolts, facing outwards. Bend your knees and get your balance - holding your arms out should help

Step 3
To move, simply push along the floor with your back foot. Keep pushing to build up speed, or bring your foot back on to the board to cruise along

Step 4
To turn, keep your weight on your back foot and gently lift the front of the board, replacing it on the ground in the direction you want to go

My life

2010-05-13T20:46:00.001+08:00

These days, I find myself reading Tolley’s Yellow Tax Handbook for fun. All four volumes of them.

For leisure, I read Tolley’s Orange Tax Handbook.

The Owl Howl

2010-03-21T03:36:00.002+08:00

I took my owl Bibi to the local shopping centre the other day.

A bunch of guys who were skateboarding came round to check out Bibi.

This is his photo:

Who The Hell Is Shaun White?

2010-03-11T03:21:00.002+08:00

So we have just found out that Ubisoft is teaming up with snowboarder Shaun White on a skateboarding videogame.

Why Shaun White? Who is Shaun White? Isn't he a snowboarder? Does he belong to a team? Is he some upstart that only just appeared in the last few years?

Does anyone know?

140 hours

2010-02-05T08:19:00.002+08:00

I finally hit the holy grail. Clocked 140 hours this week. My body has turned to mush, and I am officially earning less than minimum wage.

It was all worth it though; the counterparty actually told us they wished they had some brains on their side. Clearly, their lawyers paled in comparison.

Sexy Skateboarding

2010-02-03T02:38:00.004+08:00

Brought to you by the Big Balls Daily

Zoom, zoom, zoom.

With his arms draped over the side of a skateboard of some sort, this paralysed beggar looks sad like a bewildered apple on a stick.

Zoom, zoom, zoom.

Look at the amount of cash in his bowl of joy.

Zoom, zoom, zoom.

On his skateboard, he would zoom about, while the stereo above him played songs to make girls cry.

Zoom, zoom, zoom.

Then he moved to a corner, stood up and had something to eat.

That was when his zooming ended.

Balls

2010-01-17T05:42:00.000+08:00

Goku: You must be the creep that has our Dragon Ball.

Oceanus Shenron: I can't believe a little boy could talk like that. You may call me Oceanus Shenron, commander of the water and the air.

Goku: That may be, but you exist only because we overused the Dragon Balls. Right?

Oceanus Shenron: Of course.

Nike - The Force Terminators

2010-01-03T20:13:00.003+08:00

It has been a long time since I had time off work.

So today, being the third day of 2010, I decided to post some new pictures of my nice shoes.

I seldom own Nikes, apart from the occasional Jordans, so these are a first for me.

The material is leather and denim, which I quite like. The denim, I hope, will be hard-wearing. The leather, I am quite sure, is hard-wearing.

As you can tell from the photos, the detailing is top-notch. Among other things, the tongue is made of red synthetic mesh, and at the tip of the tongue is a beautiful strip of white herring-bone. On the front of the tongue, there is a small square of brown leather emblazoned with the Nike swoosh.

In terms of comfort, this is pretty standard. I would say, however, that the shoes suffer from not being entirely true to size. I bought this at size 11, but it fits more like a size 10.

Score-wise?

6.5 out of 10

Marketing 101

2010-01-01T22:09:00.001+08:00

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, 'I am very rich. Marry me!'
That's Direct Marketing

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, 'He's very rich. Marry him.'
That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, 'Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me.'
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say,
'By the way, I'm very rich 'Will you marry me?'
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, 'You are very rich, I want to marry you.'
That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, 'I'm rich. Marry me'
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback.

Christmas Came Early - My Brown Suede Shoes

2009-11-28T07:22:00.008+08:00

I figured out that this Christmas is probably going to be a pretty boring one, so I decided to lay my hands on this pair of sexy Fenchurch Chukkas as a consolation.

I dont really have time to write a long review, but here is what i thought of them. Basically, its sexy and it compliments my humble wardrode. Secondly, its fully clothed in suede with a neatly stitched toe cap. (Need I say more? its always cool to have a pair of suede shoes)

In terms of colour and style, it's quite a refreshing alternative from my usual white low-top sneakers. Despite the price being a little steep at 65 quid, I couldnt be more happy with this pair, therefore i'm gonna give it a score of 8/10.

Ballsy

2009-11-06T23:41:00.002+08:00

It is ballsy to drink a bottle of tequila in 13 minutes and 32 seconds.

Adidas goes 'Boating'

2009-10-23T19:57:00.008+08:00

Since Kinky has not been reviewing shoes lately, I have decided to do one for the blog. My taste in shoes varies from Kinky and Ken, I dont really fancy hi-top sneakers (maybe because I can't really carry it well), and would rather opt for a pair of low-tops classic sneakers any other day.

This pair of Adidas Summer Deck Shoes is my one and only purchase for this academic year, and seeing how I don't usually buy shoes, I think it is worth a review too.

I am not a huge fan of Adidas, and I have never owned a single pair of Adidas other than the Superstar 2G in high school. To be frank, Adidas trainers were never appealing, at least to me. However, Adidas' 'deck shoes' simply surprised me. I fell in love with this pair the moment I saw it online.

This pair is a fusion between your classic canvas sneakers and the infamous deck shoes. For many of you who do not already know, the 'deck / boat shoes style' has been in fashion over summer. If you take a walk down Oxford Circus, you could see local 'fashionistas' wearing them with fold-up jeans.

The good thing about Adidas' variation of the deck shoes, is that it isn't as flamboyant as its cousins. (or what Ris Low may describe it as "boomz, you know boomz?". Yes, and it does not shout 'me', you know? 'me'?). The shoes aren't made of leather, and in fact, it's clothed fully in canvas. The front is handstiched, and the soles are manmade, (whatever that is).

The light cream colour fits nicely with the blue linings, however, the style has been somewhat compromised by the long ugly laces.

In terms of comfort, the shoes fit nicely, and it feels like you are wearing a pair of canvas Jack Purcells. But because of the nature of the material, the thickness of the sides have been compensated. Which simply means that my feet would not get their well needed protection during the long dreaded winter.

Lastly, taking into account that it is light showers mode most of the time in UK, I would probably not see myself wearing the shoes out often, due to the tendency in returning home in a brown coloured pair instead of its original cream.

All in all, i spend about 55 quid inculsive of delivery. But since I got some bursary money from the school, I thought i should reward myself for last year's hardwork. I am pretty happy with this pair, so I am going to give it a score of:

7/10

Good work Adidas.

Food!

2009-10-21T06:45:00.003+08:00

Ok. I managed to squeeze some time out of my 90-hour workweek to write this for the blog.

A few interesting things happened over the course of October, but I think the most interesting thing was my visit to this restaurant called the Meat and Wine Company. I decided to write about the restaurant because the manager said it might be setting up a branch in Singapore soon.

Anyway, the place (unsurprisingly) served lots and lots of meat. Ribeye, t-bones, tenderloin, mignons, flanks, shins, ears, noses and everything in between. Clearly, the restaurant also served lots of wine. I wasn’t very interested in the beef though. I thought the Meat and Wine Company was good mostly because it served game, and anyone who knows me knows I love game and the taste and flavour of gunpowder and broken pellets.

So I had some springbok (which is essentially a gazelle) and some kangaroo, which Australians love in their burgers, and topped it all off with two bottles of Malbec. I was pretty smashed when it was over. But I had a great time. And if the Meat and Wine Company does decide to set up shop in Singapore, I would recommend we all go get wasted on some blood-red meat and wine.

MOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Road Trip

2009-10-07T01:04:00.003+08:00

A couple of friends went for a roadtrip to a paradise island resort for a 6 day getaway. They rented a jeep to drive along the long arduous country roads that would eventually take them to their holiday destination. After driving 4 hours without sight of any civilization along the winding road, the group began to question the direction they were heading.

After arguing for several minutes, the group decided to stay on course and ask the first villager they come across for directions.

Driving along the winding roads they came upon a barren farmland with a lone farmer toiling the fields. The group headed over to ask for directions only to find that their worries were in vain as they learnt that the first road-sign pointing them to the resort was pass the farm.

Getting back into their jeep full of hope and refreshed enthusiasm, the group pitied the farmer.

"Poor man, the field is so barren, the farmer must be experiencing a bad harvest."

After driving for another hour, the group arrived at the resort and spent the next six days basking in the sun.

On their way back, the group came upon the same farmland, only this time, the fields were filled with lush stalks of corn as far as their eyes could see.

"Wow, this farmer must be rich, look at the amount of harvest!"

.
.
.
.
.
.

Many times in our journey through life, we tend to lose sight of our goals. If the group had succumbed to negativity and turned around or changed course, they would never arrive at the resort.

Many a times, our view of our goal is flooded with doubts and questions. The weak will always succumb to negativity and change their course in life, eventually losing sight of their goals. The strong and influential, is always the one who will insist on sticking on their course and asking for directions.

Just because we are not able to see our destination, it does not mean that the destination does not exist. Many a times, we are afraid of asking for directions, but directions are really what we need in life.

People always tend to judge us based on the results we have achieved, but what they don't see is the hard work the farmer had put in to toil the fields while the group was away having fun.

Supra Muska Skytop

2009-10-05T05:17:00.003+08:00

I finally laid my hands on some Supras.

Seeing as to how I have been working 90-hour weeks with no reprieve, I decided to reward myself with some online shopping.

In terms of comfort, this is good. The ankle cut makes the Skytops fit like a sock. If I were a girl, I might say they fit like a pair of hollowed out Uggs. However, I am not a girl. Also, this pair of Supras doesn't achieve the level of comfort that the Globe Chet Thomas series did. I still believe the Globe CT IVs were the most comfortable skate shoes ever made.

In terms of design, I really like the detail and the palette. The armadillo texturing is sexy, and purple is hands-down the best colour in the world. Nonetheless, I do find that the front of the shoe, being an unstitched roundcap, feels somewhat naked. It lacks the additional detailing of the newer Supra Vaiders. I do freely admit, however, that a stitched toe-cap is a personal preference. In any case, I chose this over the Vaider because I wanted the original Muska pro model.

All in all, this is good for the price (I paid approximately 280 SGD). Score wise? I would say 7.5 / 10

Archielot

2009-09-18T03:23:00.004+08:00

I remember being seven and walking around in my diapers (toilet training took a while) and holding a Betty and Veronica double digest in my greasy baby hands. In those days (the underrated 1980S), the double digest was a true behemoth, unlike the skinny, insubstantial comic they publish under the double digest label these days.

So imagine my utter surprise when this happened:

Why in the world would Archie want to marry Veronica? Yes, this is absolutely true. It happened in issue 600. Archibald Andrews proposed to Veronica Lodge. They are getting married. I am shocked, confused, and feeling somewhat robbed of my childhood. What about Betty? Is Jughead getting married to Ethel next? Is Moose going to beat Midge to an uninterested intellectual pulp? Is Dilton Doiley really straight?

Seeing as to how I am really a lot more used to the kind of situation below, let's hope this new story line is only fleeting:

Mike V - Do or Die

2009-09-15T01:21:00.003+08:00

Love and care is everywhere, so remember you saw it here first.

Mike V - Do or Die is the next big iPhone skateboarding game.

More fully featured than its predecessors, it resembles the games in the Tony Hawk franchise.

There are 7 environments and over 40 tricks to execute.

After having used Ken's iPhone to play other skate games, I am glad to report that tricks on Mike V - Do or Die look much easier to land.

Check out all the pictures and the nice little video we've found for you.

Beary Bleary

2009-09-13T05:47:00.003+08:00

How do you get a bear out of a skating pool? Throw him a ladder. That's how I got out of the pool at East Coast Park.

Shooting yourself in the leg

2009-09-02T09:09:00.002+08:00

Sometimes your ideas make you appear brilliant, other times you wonder if you should have just kept your mouth shut. When it comes to drinking games, I'm proud to say i know enough, but sometimes, even i surprise myself.

So i received a call last night just as i was settling down in the lecture hall. Not wanting to disrupt the professor's incessant praises about Breadtalk (Sometimes i wonder if he has a share in the business), i decided to reject the call.

A missed call alert appeared instantaneously on my home screen, i clicked on it to find that the caller was Denny. On a Tuesday night at 7.30pm, it could only mean one thing. I asked him via SMS where the party was at and made plans to drop by Acid Bar after classes.

By mid-break, my brows were twitching and i was getting restless, i couldn't stop my legs from shaking and everything the professor said reminds me of alcohol.

Prof: Strategic Leadership is the ability to anticipate, envision, maintain flexibility...
My Brain: Oh.. like having the foresight to know which club is happening.

Prof: Strategic Leadership needs to understand and manipulate human behavior...
My Brain: Oh.. Knowing how much someone can drink before puking.

Prof: Strategic Leaders seek corrective feedback from others...
My Brain: Ok guys, Chivas or Vodka?

Prof: Strategic Leaders make candid, courageous and pragmatic decisions...
My Brain: Ok guys, come 5-10 now!

As the lecture drew on, i felt time slowing down to a steady creep, the ticking of the second hand on my watch seems to be taunting me. I tried not to look at my watch for 30 mins to divert my attention. I tried taking down notes, but the lecturer was hopeless, i could understand the subject better from reading the textbook.

The lecturer gave some examples which didn't seem to make sense. I fight the urge to look at my watch. Someone dropped his pencil case on the aisle, i run to pick it up for him. I fight the urge to look at my watch. I discuss our group assignment with my mates. I fight the urge to look at my watch. I flip through the textbook reading the case studies. I fight the urge to look at my watch.

OK its been a long time since i last looked at my watch. It must have at least been 30 mins. I fight the urge to look at my watch. It should be fine come on just a glance. I fight the urge to look at my watch. Ok ok just a glance.

"FUCK ONLY 5 MINS!!"

I slumped back into my seat in pure desolation. Then the words of the Messiah sounded from beside me.

Mate: Fuck this lecturer, im going home to read on my own...
Me: Yay, me too, this lecturer sucks!
(Secretly high-five'd myself)

I got back into my car and raced down towards Acid Bar, ignoring traffic rules and weaving through slow traffic reaching Cairnhill from Clementi in 13 mins flat. If Bernie Ecclestone had seen me drive, i would be the first choice to replace Felipe Massa in the Ferrari F1 team.

I arrived to find Justin, Cynthia, Chloe, Denny and Ben chilling on the sofa with half a bottle of Vodka remaining. The first glass of Vodka, eased the twitching in my brows, the second shot, stopped the quivering in my legs, the third shot, lifted my spirits, i realised if i went on, i would have a cure for cancer.

Understandably, half a bottle wouldn't last long with us. In no time at all, we were left with an empty bottle of Vodka as we slumped reeling in the excitement of drinking games. Then an idea hit me like a freight train, i look back on this and torture my brains for coming up with games like that.

Since the bottle was gone, drinking games lost its appeal. However if we substituted the forfeit to something funny, something painful the excitement would instantly multiply itself by 55. The bottle was gone and the mixers too, so what we have left is the bucket of ice with some water created through a weird process called melting.

So essentially, we can continue playing 5-10 with the 6 of us but now the loser will have to dunk his entire hand in the bucket of ice until a new loser could be found thereby relieving the previous loser of his misery. GENIUS!

My idea met with disgust from the guys, but they were still willing to give it a shot.

I didnt lose the first few rounds but Cynthia had her hand in the bucket for at least 5 rounds without anyone else losing. Because i haven't dipped my hands in the bucket i did not understand the suffering they were going through and everything was funny.

Next round, i lost, when Cynthia removed her hands it was all red and numb, i realised this wasn't funny anymore. With bravado and some cheering, i dunked my hands deep into the icy water to find myself trapped in an icy cavern of glacial scale.

Pain shot through my arm as soon as my hand touched the water. I felt my skin contracting around my bones and my blood slowly crystallizing. The blood crystals seem to be firing away in ridiculuous fashion spreading their way at breakneck speeds up the sleeves of my shirt allowing my shoulders to share the pain that is lost to my numbing fist and the next round hasn't even started yet.

I begged the guys to call the next number and prayed someone else lost. My hand must have been in the bucket for 3 rounds before Ben lost. I quickly retrieved my hand and laughed menacingly at Ben.

Me: HAHAHAHAHA YOU'RE FUCKED!!

By the time i removed my hand, i had lost all feeling in all my fingers and my hand no longer feels like it belongs to me.

I slap myself for suggesting such games.

Chortle Bottle

2009-08-28T17:15:00.002+08:00

This is a very long song about

The red, Red House of Mao

And his friend who lived in doubt

While learning the way of the Tao

Who sometimes said how now

Brown cow but never bowed

To the King who was no sow

But a real blow

Fish swimming next to the bow

Where the sun never set

And the lawns were never mowed

And so it was once said.

Mogwai

2009-08-19T22:29:00.001+08:00

"What Big Balls you have", said Little Red Riding Hood, who wasn't really that little.

"The better to bump you with", sniggered the Big Bad Wolf in return, who wasn't really that big.

Tearing It Down

2009-08-15T10:05:00.005+08:00

Remember the old Marina Bay? An unassuming enclave tucked right at the end of the red MRT line, beyond City Hall and beyond any semblance of human life. Apart from the weekends, of course, when enterprising families, marshalled by foolhardy fathers, took to the fields for kite-flying, picnics, and bowling afterwards.

I remember partaking in a steamboat buffet at Marina Bay when I was 14. The place was packed. The local Superbowl was packed. The food centre was packed and, at that time, hardly looked like an ailing dinosaur waiting for evolution. Now, everything at Marina Bay is an ailing dinosaur, waiting for the IR and the promise of tourist dollars.

So I thought we'd have some photos of the place before everything disappeared and turned to dust and ash and shit, in that order.

This was wat i had been busy doing !!

2009-08-12T03:15:00.007+08:00

tis is wat i was had been doing over in taiwan here!!!Its so fuck up n so fucking difficult to do all this,somemore it all made by my own fucking hands...it hurts man!!thx to the customers man...really thxxxxxxxxxxxx.....mother fucker!!

And guys , sorry didnt fly to Sg catch up wif u all !!

Happy Anniversary.

2009-08-03T16:00:00.002+08:00

Big Balls Daily is a year old now!

Happy Birthday Biggie Balls!

We Suck

2009-07-27T15:27:00.003+08:00

We skate every other day at the East Coast Skate Park (Kenboy owes us some photos) but we still suck.

This boy is five years old and has landed a sponsorship deal with the Board Shop in London, becoming the youngest skater in the city to get that kind of backing.

Dress Me Up

2009-07-22T03:27:00.003+08:00

What do you do when you are bored and want to play indoors?

You go to stardoll.com and undress Bam Margera.

Then you put him in a miniskirt.

Then you change your mind and take off the miniskirt, before replacing it with glittery spandex leggings.

Then you do the same thing all over again with Tony Hawk.

Spider Trucks

2009-07-18T19:04:00.003+08:00

Being on top of the news all the time, the Big Balls Daily is bringing to your attention a pretty wicked new truck design.

As you can see from the video, this is a top-mounted truck system that accommodates long-boards.

The spider-shaped trucks, which its inventor describes as Tarantula Trucks, took about 6½ years, seven different prototypes and a broken collarbone to design.

We doubt it would ever make the transition from longboard to skateboard.

Recognition

2009-07-15T11:35:00.004+08:00

Our most avid followers will recall that in September last year, the Big Balls Daily reviewed one of the sexiest new products on the market - the bamboo skateboard by Bamboo Sk8.

At that time, the product was decidedly new, and we were one of the first reviewers in the world. Now, Bamboo Sk8 is quickly becoming a solid brand in the skateboarding scene, with its bamboo skateboards retailing in shops all over the world, including Singapore.

We were thus pleasantly surprised to learn that Bamboo Sk8 had noticed our review when it first appeared. In fact, they had many nice things to say about it. Appended below is a snapshot from their official blog (which you can click and enlarge for your own viewing satisfaction).

Now, that's a great line: First Big Balls Daily, then the world!

MJ

2009-07-09T17:12:00.002+08:00

Obviously old news, but completely necessary since we haven't had a post about it.

Michael Jackson is dead.

He died on the 25th of June 2009.

Don't We Just Love It When

2009-07-08T11:24:00.002+08:00

What: An exhibition titled "Full Deck: A Short History of Skate Art"
Where: Somewhere in the US
When: Happening now, but obviously irrelevant if we are in Singapore

Movie: Street Dreams

2009-06-29T00:00:00.003+08:00

Here's a secret for our dearest readers.

Rob Dyrdek has teamed up with P-Rod to produce a movie about a skateboarder with big dreams.

Yes, it's a movie. Hollywood style. Not a skate video.

Apparently, or so we've been told, the plot follows the life of a skateboarder who wants to turn pro. His ticket to stardom is a 360 flip crooked grind down a handrail. P-Rod is the protagonist, while Dyrdek is the bad guy who tries to wreck his dreams.

From what we've seen, it's pretty rubbish. But check it out yourself: we've added a nice trailer for your pleasure.

Don't say we didn't warn you!

My Beautiful Shoes - Gravis Fulton Expedition

2009-06-26T18:43:00.004+08:00

I haven't reviewed shoes for a long, long time. Largely because these horrid exams have been giving me a torrid time, and partly because the rats in my house are lying fetid and rank and undoubtedly dead, attracting bluebottles as we speak. But I shall be home soon, and with that in mind, I would like to introduce one of my favourite shoe brands - Gravis.

This is part of the Expedition series, which, unsurprisingly, the Japanese never came round to using on their daily hikes. As far as aesthetics go, this is top on my list. Leather uppers in front and plaid fabric behind. They feel rather like slip-ons, and this is because they have a tongueless, shoe-sock design like most of the new school Globe dogs. Even without the padding that I've come to expect from Gravis's skating range, these are comfortable shoes. Cost was approximately 210 SGD (given that I switched into sterling at 3.2 in 2003).

Score: 7.5

(I am aware the score is somewhat low, but I decided to compensate for the fact that the shoes don't go hand-in-hand with at least half my wardrobe)

The De-Evolution of the Human Race

2009-06-20T14:26:00.010+08:00

Evolution has promoted the human race to an arrogant status. From a humble fishling we have evolved into primates before finally attaining today’s form. Evolution has seen to it that we develop superior communication and intellectual skills. We have transformed our early lands into the spawning metropolises we see today and our forests and jungles are constantly being flattened to make room for civilization.

I remember a CARE advertisement playing on The Discovery Channel, which really sticks to my mind. The advertisement began by displaying pictures of many endangered species as well as their destroyed habitats along with a narration of the problems these animals face. What really sticks out in my mind is the closing sentence, “Because of all the living things on Earth, we are the only ones capable of protecting them”.

This was before I saw the following news articles, which made me rethink how evolution has really fucked up the human race. Instead of playing custodian to the vast and beautiful creatures we share the Earth with, we have, as a race degraded to a point where arrogance and masochism presides over the care that we have for nature.

For a long time we have been slaughtering animals for our very own consumption and although the initial slaughters were brutal, laws have been passed for the slaughter and culling of animals to be more humane. It is socially accepted that Chickens, Pigs, Goats, Cows, Fishes and Ducks are ‘meant’ for general consumption but there are also cases of people consuming Dogs, Cats, Rabbits, Turtles, Sharks, Ostriches, Elephants, Monkeys etc.

It is as if we have been teleported back to the days where man dwelled in caves, dressed in nothing but loincloths, wielding clubs, killing anything they encounter in their hunt for food. But then again, back in those days, hunting was for survival, these days survival needs can easily be met by wiping out some cash in exchange for food. So it is unintelligible why some people would defy societal norms by consuming Dogs or Snakes as an alternative diet.

Recently I read a news article titled “Snake Bite Chicken Off the Menu”, curious about such a title I clicked on the link. What I was about to read defies all societal norms and would surely upset animal rights activists.

It seems some restaurants in China, specifically in the Guangdong region, has started offering alternative poultry dishes in their menu. Poultry as we all know is a socially accepted consumption avenue but what makes this dish special is the way in which the chickens were slaughtered.

A video link (http://you.video.sina.com.cn/b/21145091-1405053100.html) on the news website showed how the restaurant's chefs prepared the chickens for the diners. The video depicted a man, probably the chef, forcibly restraining a live chicken by stepping on its feet with his right hands clamping down on its neck so it couldn't move even if it wanted to. On his other hand he is holding the head of a live venomous snake. Next he forced the snake closer to the chicken's neck inciting the snake's natural defensive instinct which propels the snake to clamp its jaws down on the scrawny necks of its innocent victim. We then see the snake spasm as it forces its venom into the neck of the chicken.

As the venom spreads in the chicken, we can only imagine the amount of pain and suffering it is feeling as the chef explained the proceedings to the diners. At one point the chef is quoted saying the head of chicken where the venom is injected is the tastiest part because all the venom is concentrated at that particular region. As the venom emanates we can see the chicken's head slowly turning color as if swelling up into a big red balloon as its life slowly dwindled away.

As the chef and diners were chatting, he is forcefully de-feathering the, at this point still very much alive chicken. As if the chicken wasn't in enough pain already.

Apparently such dishes detoxifies the human body but then again so does over-the-counter pills at GNC. Although Chinese authorities are working to pull this dish off the menus it remains to be seen how steadfast and determined they are of this motive.

It has long been known that the Chinese are the savagest of consumers with a tendency to slaughter and make a meal out of dogs, rabbits, monkeys, bears and other animals but this is a new twist to an otherwise normalised dish. I can't even imagine how the first person discovered that chickens killed in this way are particularly tasty and detoxing, and quite honestly i do not want to know. I personally feel this is way too immoral and cruel and obviously there are other ways to detoxify the human body.

This follows the news of a recent spate of rabies spreading in a remote town in Hanzhong. In a bid to erradicate the spread of rabies, which had caused 12 deaths in the city, the Chinese authority has ordered the culling of about 36,000 stray and even 'pet' dogs.

The article showed pictures of villagers chasing dogs across streets with wooden poles and bats in a savage re-enactment of cavemen hunting expedition. This latest decree by the authorities has incited the wrath of international animals rights groups criticising China of being cruel and inhumane, saying that millions and millions of other animals raised for their pelt and meat, including cats and dogs, are mistreated and inhumanely killed.

Villagers chasing and beating stray dogs with wooden poles.

Owner of a pet dog refusing to give it up to enraged villagers, with tears in her eyes pleading for the villagers to spare her Dou Dou crying, "My Dou Dou will not bite anybody!"

Mass culling of dogs

Pet Chihuahua not spared

Living condition of dogs raised for their meat

It seems that the instruction to murder all stray and pet dogs was made impulsively and without much consideration or research/consultation. This is because experts have said that the mass removal of dogs actually increases the movements of other dogs of unknown disease statuses migrating in from neighboring regions. So instead of eradicating the rabies problem, the Chinese authorities are actually facilitating disease transmission and increasing the threat to human and animal health.

In a bid to end the cruel cullings and seek attention from animal rights groups one pet owner has filmed the death of his own dog. Due to the graphic nature of the video and the fact that i am an animal lover, i will refrain from posting this video on our blog.

The video depicts a scene that would make even the most ardent animal 'hater' wince.

Pathetically unaware that it is just 30 seconds from death, a dog stands wagging its tail expectantly as three men carrying long bamboo poles edge towards it on a dusty village track. There is a second's pause before the first blow, delivered from behind, lands on the dog's neck. It yelps in surprise and pain then scrambles back and forth in panic as the poles crack down again and again, shattering its spine.To the laughter of his colleagues, one man steps forward and delivers the coup de grace: a deadly blow that cracks the skull.

China is only just drafting out its 'First' laws to recognise animal welfare while the rest of the civilised world are already ten steps ahead and know that such care and concern for animals shouldn't even need to be written in law. Instead such acts should have come from basic human nature over the course of our evolution.

If a law needs to be passed and people instructed on how to act around animals, really how different are we from cavemen?

"Control yourself, take only what you need from it." - MGMT, Kids

Go Big or Go Home

2009-06-09T18:05:00.003+08:00

Came across this video of Corey Duffel while surfing webleedwood. Check out how phat and gnarly this guy is, he's like Kurt with steroids injected into his balls.

The Skate Park Near My House

2009-06-09T05:28:00.005+08:00

Seeing as to how I am about to move from Camden in a couple of months' time, I thought it would be nice, for the sake of our dearest readers and various unwelcome voyeurs, to show a few pictures of the skate park near my place.

The name of the place is Cantelowes Skate Park, and there are some solid skaters there. As you can see from the pictures, it's got a huge bowl, some ramps, and beautiful women. You can also see it's built next to some football pitches and basketball courts, which is superb in the summer for random play. In fact, I probably play a lot more football than anything else.

I'm going to miss this place. But then, there's always Parkway to look forward to.

Click on the pictures to enlarge them. The panoramic shots (Pictures 2 and 4) look a lot better that way.

Four Horses of the Apocalypse

2009-06-06T04:01:00.003+08:00

At the start of 2009, the Big Balls Daily promised (i) original artwork and (ii) sexy ladies. I don't have any ladies for you today, but here's some random thing I was messing around with. The resolution has been lowered so it doesn't bust the bandwidth.

As always, I reserve all copyright.

The One With The Fractured Penis

2009-06-04T15:15:00.007+08:00

Jamaican culture is one that is mimicked globally by streams of aficionados, from their incoherent accents to their love for the weed. The Jamaican national hero, and promulgator of peace and harmony between races, Bob Marley sums up the Jamaican and Rastafarian lifestyle as, "Herb is the healing of a nation, Alcohol is the destruction, when you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself." True enough the above-mentioned 'herb' can now be found all over the world.

Recently i read here that the controversial Jamaican dance movement known as 'Daggering' is facing a ban due to its potential in causing bodily harm. Which doesn't make sense because if any kind of dance had the potential to cause bodily harm, shouldn't that honor belong to the Capoeira?

If you thought Daggering was another form of expressive Jamaican martial art involving daggers and knives, that makes 2 of us. Daggering, from what i read, is actually an erotic dance style featuring couples simulating dry sex in various positions to the beat of the music. So it's something like what the guys in Phuture do then, except they bring it on to levels involving missionary and cowgirl?

Not quite, because apparently, the erotic dance style faces government restriction after being blamed for a spate of broken penises. OUCH. Someone tell the guy who masturbated with a plastic bottle that there is another way to break his penis. If this was true I pity the guys in Phuture. However, the steps in daggering involves extreme gyrating, check, heavy pelvis thrusting, wooo check, and 'daredevil leaps', Huh? Simulating dry sex involves daredevil leaps? Did i miss miss out on some valuable porn video footage?

Anyway back to the report, according to related medias, Jamaican couples have taken the dance moves to the bedroom with disastrous results. The warning against the dance came from Jamaican doctors, prompted by being presented with a range of fractured penises caused by rough intercourse.

Because i have nothing better to do, i have taken the effort to include a clip from youtube. Cheers to Ken the Man!

Implied Warning: Do Not Dance With A Whale!

It remains to be seen whether the local clubbing scene will begin banning such outrageous stunts. Perhaps the next time you visit Phuture, you can warn the irritating dude that keeps bumping into you on the dance-floor that he can be thrown into jail. Ah what the fuck, he can easily escape through the bathroom window and be back in the clubs the following night.

A wooden clothes pin had more personality

2009-06-01T01:58:00.006+08:00

We had the chance to attend the finals of the 2009 FHM GND (Girl Next Door) contest held at Zirca last Friday. We were turned on not by the thought of hot chicks parading on-stage in skimpy outfits, but by the promise of free alcohol. But nevertheless, hot chicks and free alcohol sounds like a pretty enticing package to me.

The event is an annual skinfest organized by FHM to showcase our local beauties. A formula played out with much enthusiasm except for the fact that the prettiest girls often don’t bother signing up, a fact evident in the caliber of the final 10 contestants this year. From the get-go we have decided that none of the finalists had the ability to command an instant erection, this we knew because we also attended the FHM 100 GND event held at the same venue last month.

The finalists are apparently picked based on votes from the public while a panel of 3 judges and the attending crowds decides the winner. The 10 girls made their debut parading around in various forms of lingerie to the cacophony of wolf calls and whistles from the mostly male audience as le looked on from our comfortable table in the VIP area.

While the contestants were making their rounds on the floor I turned and noticed a gorgeous lady seated 3 tables to our right.

Me: Dude that chick is HOT!
Justin: Dude that is Andrea Fonseka!
Me: Wow, the girls are lucky she didn’t join.
Justin: Damn right!

Andrea Fonseka

The rest of the show was punctuated by wardrobe malfunctions and sub-par attempts to flirt with the crowds. A forgettable question and answer session followed which reminded me why the girls are not pageant standard.

Host: Which part of your body do you think is the sexiest?
Girl 1: Whichever part you wish.

Host: Why do you deserve to win this competition?
Girl 2: Why not?

I swear if the host asked them to comment on the current economy the girls would announce that Mango is having a sale next week. Vernon A from 987’s Muttons to Midnight radio program was by far the saving grace of the entire event. For an extended period of time I was more enthralled by his witty remarks than the skin buffet happening on stage.

It was clear to see that when the final results were announced we were no longer interested to know who won save for the side bet the guys took before the event. When the winner was announced we muffled a whine before diving right back into something much sexier. Free Flow.

Celestina Tiew - GND 2009 Winner

Sweet Spots

2009-05-29T22:10:00.004+08:00

Today, I am going to introduce 3, and only 3, skate spots. They are all special, and they all deserve love and care. When I can be bothered, and when these evil exams end, I will review more spots.

Skate Spot 1: Dhoby Ghaut

DG, for me, is one of the best skate spots in Singapore. Apart from never-ending marble ledges, fantastically smooth flat land, and a superb run-up on a 5-set, it has played host to some of the top talents in SG. I remember the old school kings like Andy, Suhaimi, Saiful, and Wan. There were, of course, Mel, Gary, and gang as well, and it always amused me how Mel would park his Benz on the hill overlooking DG. When the cops dropped by, he would calmly walk to his car and drive off. Everyone else, on the other hand, would be scaling bushes, darting madly between traffic, and running either to Park Mall or Plaza Singapura. Most of my early skating happened here, and the memories are simply super.

Skate Spot 2: Parkway

This is the apotheosis of skate spots. Trees and bushes provide shade, while Ali’s convenience store nearby provides drinks (and on occasion, free beer and ice cream). Ledges used to be perfect, but have since grown increasingly chipped and grind-unfriendly. There are (i) pseudo-launch ramps, (ii) slightly short marble benches, (iii) sets of stairs, and (iv) long, snaking flat land for non-stop S-K-A-T-E battles. At the risk of sounding syrupy, this is where Ken, JT, and I first met. We still love it with all our hearts.

Skate Spot 3: Oasis

Tucked away in a little spot next to the river, Oasis is great for an idyllic day out. But due to the somewhat inaccessible location, cars are definitely required. I am not a huge fan of Oasis, largely because the tiled floor makes flat land tricks horribly difficult, but this is the spot where great things have been achieved over the years. Shafiq and his frontside pop shove to 5050 and backside pop shove out come to mind. And how can anyone forget John’s famous kickflip down the 8-set? Now that Kallang Leisure Park has one of the best arcades in the East, there’s even more reason to chill there.

16K for this Deck

2009-05-24T18:49:00.003+08:00

If I had 16,000 big ones, I probably would spend it all on roti prata.

Some people would, however, spend it on art.

This is Keith Haring's 22 year old wooden skateboard.

All he did was draw on it with some magic markers, and it was sold last week for $16,250.

F*ck this shit.

2009-05-23T00:09:00.001+08:00

I'm under immense pressure... thinking of just packing my bags and heading home.

You Saw It Here First

2009-05-21T01:54:00.002+08:00

Introducing the controller for Tony Hawk Ride, the latest entry in the gaming franchise.

You stand on the thing, and you skate it as you will a real skateboard.

Of course, it remains to be seen how user-friendly this contraption is.

But you saw it here first. And that's all you need to remember.

Four Yes, Zero No.

2009-05-17T22:34:00.002+08:00

Exams in 3 days time. Any tips on how to attain the unattainable?

The Craziest Free FLow Party

2009-05-16T11:03:00.001+08:00

Class 95 had their finals for the Fearless Fun Females last night at Zirca, being close friends with the organizers we naturally got invited to this event. Some highlights of the event were professional pole-dancers and a lingerie fashion show, some hunks from Polo Boys with in-your-face-abs and of course Free Flow.

Friday morning, Justin and me were deciding what we were going to do when we received news of the Class 95 party. Not knowing what competition it was we readily agreed, as we haven’t got a definitive plan. In actual fact, our decisions were settled on the backs of 2 words, Free and Flow, and when these 2 words are put together, we don’t need more information about the event. Hell, we could even be lured into the gallows with the promise of free booze, in this sense we’re not traditional Alcoholics, we’re Alco-whores.

The free flow was from 7-9pm so we made plans to meet at 7.15, I was to pick Justin up from his office before we head down to meet Denny, Chloe and Eunice. Justin was held back at work so he only managed to get into my car at 7.35pm. With heavy traffic we estimated our arrival to be at 8pm, leaving us only one hour left of free flow.

Justin: Wah jialat one hour left.
Me: Yah man every minute counts dude.
Justin: We need to do it intensively, one hour of non-stop drinking.
Me: Doesn’t sound like a problem.
Justin: Yeah Let’s Do It!
Me: Haha I haven’t had dinner so I will get high faster than you.
Justin: I also haven’t had Dinner!
Together: Yeah man we’re gonna get drunk!!!
(We could never be more wrong)

Justin managed to secure us with VIP passes allowing us to be seated and served within the VIP zone of Zirca. We were told that the common area’s free flow was only limited to Bacardi Breezers while the VIP area’s free flow was open to your choice.

Waiter: Do you guys want Vodka or Bacardi?
Denny: What mixers do you have?
Waiter: Anything you choose.
Denny: Ok get us some Bacardi with Lime.
Waiter: Ok so one bottle of Bacardi.
Denny: Huh no we never order a bottle.
Waiter: No the bottles are free flow.
Denny: Ohh… ok then one bottle.

We must have died and gone to alcohol heaven because never before have we heard of free flows by the bottle. We were busy high-fiving each other when the bottle was served up and we wasted no time chugging down the first glass. With only 5 of us we thought we could at least hold out with one bottle up till 9pm before heading out. By 8.30pm we were almost done with the bottle, it shocks us how fast we were working through the bottle. Feeling the effects of the Bacardi, we decided to head out for a cigarette while asking the waiter to hold our tables.

Justin: This is crazy man I’m quite high already.
Me: Me too man, I feel damn hungry.
Denny: Our bottles going to finish already after this we go McDonalds.
Me: That sounds good man, I’m gonna die soon.

When we made our way back to the table we realized that our bottle had been switched. WE WERE GIVEN ANOTHER NEW BOTTLE OF BACARDI.

Justin: Nabe new bottle leh.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHA
Denny: This is the BEST free flow dudes.
Chloe: Kenny you should have made the lanyards.
Me: Fuck lanyards let’s get drunk!

By this point we were totally ignoring the activities on the stage instead our focus was on the alcohols. We slowly worked through our bottle feeling the room slowly begins to spin more.

Waiter: Guys you have to return the unfinished bottles at 9pm.
Denny: Huh?
Waiter: Yah it’s the policy.
Denny: Oh ok.

We decided to pour whatever remaining alcohol there is into the jugs of limejuice before returning the bottle. The night was getting crazier, it was only 9pm and we were already fucking high. In the course of 1 hour we finished 2 bottles of Bacardi, we had set a new record for ourselves.

I don’t remember what time we made it out of Zirca, or what I had at McDonalds but I remember shouting songs in the car with Justin as we made our way to Zouk to meet up with Beng, Wallace, and Ari. Beng bought 2 jugs of e33, the carbonated mixture went into my stomach and immediately threatened to come back up. I was feeling sick and I knew I was going to puke real soon.

Thing that go Bump in the Night

2009-05-15T11:38:00.002+08:00

Stories and movies about the supernatural never cease to scare the shit out of us when we are kids. When I was young, I love horror movies; my mom would rent or buy all the latest horror movies for me to watch. I had the complete collection of “True Singapore Ghost Stories” of which some had been read twice. I was a horror buff, I didn’t dare close my eyes at night, I needed constant companion, and thank God I outgrew that stage.

When we grow older, we begin to realize that movies are fictional and “True Singapore Ghost Stories” are fantasies paraded in easy English. This made us go to sleep easier, we fear the unknown less and less and some of us reach the stage of Nirvana denouncing the existence of Ghosts, Demons and restless spirits. I was glad to have reached this stage, and then came Muhd (Pronounced Mud).

I met Muhd when I was working part time at Coffee Bean Parkway after my ‘O’ Levels. Muhd was already a senior crew by the time I joined, we hit it off from the start because we both skate and we love Nirvana. Muhd very quickly became part of our group due to his friendly and unassuming nature, he became a regular at our skate sessions and became fast friends with Kurt and John. Muhd was a devout Muslim, during his fasting months he would still skate as hard but refuse to drink any liquids or consume any food. Everything about Muhd was magnetic, from his cheerful personality, to his strict religious views; his out of hand gastric issues, all except that, Muhd had the ‘Third Eye’.

This was something I learnt one night while both of us were performing our ‘Closing Routine’ after work. It was around 12.30am and we had just washed and scrubbed the floors when Muhd asked me to accompany him to the main rubbish bin. The main bin was located in a dark alley behind Parkway, a place so dirty it had to be hidden from public view. The path leading towards the bin was laden with bushes and huge trees on either sides obstructing ambient lighting casting an ominous mood over the pathway.

I was just getting ready to scrub the kitchen counter when Muhd made his request, but I obliged seeing that I myself wouldn’t want to make that journey all alone at a time like that. We were chatting about random stuff on our way to the bin when I heard some rustling of leaves. I thought nothing of it attributing the sounds to the wind but Muhd started to feel uneasy. His face grew pale as he hurried me along. This was a reaction we would later learn to associate with something supernatural in our surrounding.

Not knowing anything, I hurried along beside him and when we reached the bin, he swiftly flung the trash bag into the container before mumbling something under his breath. I thought he was saying something to me so I asked him:

Me: What did you say?
Muhd: Ssshhhhh…..
Me: What’s wrong with you dude?
Muhd: Just shut up and follow me!
Me: Ooookkkk….
Muhd: And keep your eyes on the path, Don't look anywhere else.

We hurried back to Coffee Bean in a half jog, the leaves seemed to be rustling louder on our way back and I began to realize it didn’t sound like it was caused by the wind. It was a windless night but the leaves on both sides appear to be shaking from the branches, and it appeared to be following us. We would pass from tree to tree and the rustling would always occur at the specific points above our heads.

We went along our usual closing routine in total silence before grabbing our boards and proceeding to our usual skate spot. I began to question Muhd’s earlier behavior; initially he refused to say anything only attributing his urgency to his bladder. We continued skating into the night before going home at 3am.

The next day Muhd called me and explained his strange behavior. He told me that he was born with the ‘Third Eye’ and was able to sense and see supernatural beings from a very young age. On further questioning he revealed that the night before when he was walking towards the bin, he started to feel uneasy so he decided to ask me along with him. He always knew something was wrong with that path but has never seen anything. When he first heard the rustling leaves he looked around but wasn’t able to see anything out of the ordinary so he ignored it. As we proceeded further he heard a “Pssstt” sound, like someone trying to get our attentions. He looked up from where the sound emanated and saw a lady with long black hair squatting on the tree branches trying to get our attention. When she saw that Muhd could see her she started to follow us with increased vigour, she would jump from tree to tree with her white dress flowing in the wind trying to get both our attentions. Muhd ignored her, which served to fuel her anger more. She tried harder to get our attentions jumping on the tree branches causing the leaves to rustle harder and louder even screaming bloodcurdlingly to get us to look up at her.

I didn’t hear or sense anything but when he told me this, my balls retreated back into my body and my hair stood on its ends. I didn’t know how to react and felt like I was going to choke on my own saliva. Muhd said she didn’t follow us anymore when we reached Coffee Bean and I told him, “Next time don’t tell me anything!”

As Kurt, Muhd, John and me started to skate more and more at night, we encountered more and more strange things. Strange things just seem to happen more around Muhd, but he explained that they are everywhere; we were just insensitive to their presence. There was another night when Kurt, Muhd and me were skating behind Roxy Square where we had found a discarded steel foundation thingy, which we had converted into a grind-box. We were going at it with gusto because the steel was so smooth we were able to pull off any tricks, Kurt even managed to do a Feeble Grind along the entire length of the rail. We began to perform crazier and crazier tricks trying to experiment with anything that would be tougher on a regular surface.

The sounds of our boards and laughter echoed off the walls of the old shopping complex but we continued doing our thing ignorant to the surroundings. Just when we were all psyched up, Muhd made us stop skating, by this time we have learnt that when Muhd says to leave, we should do so without question. We picked our stuff up and Muhd hurried us along, it was a long journey back to the convenience shop and we were quickening our paces in synchrony with Muhd’s stride. It is really scary when you can’t see or hear what you are running away from and Kurt and me trudged along in silence with boards under our arms. Just then Muhd shouted to us, “RUN!!!” not knowing what to do, Kurt and me started to sprint towards the convenience store.

After making sure that we were not being followed, Muhd settled down and we got ourselves something to drink. Muhd started to reveal that our actions had disturbed some of the spirits residing there and they wanted to teach us a lesson. We know that by this, Muhd meant they would push us while we’re skating to cause us to fall after one particular night at Oasis filled with injuries and disappointment. He said he saw a female spirit standing under a small tree right next to where we were skating, staring at us with hatred and anger and that was why he made us leave. On our way back the ‘thing’ started to follow us from a distance but very quickly closed up the gap between and that was also why he made us run.

After getting home I showered and prepared to got to bed when I received an SMS from Muhd which simply said, “It followed me home”. After which I slept with my head under the blanket while blasting my iPod so I wouldn’t be able to hear anything praying that nothing followed me home. I don’t remember sleeping well that night.

Muhd was a very close friend of mine and would regularly visit my home for dinner or just to chill and play games on my PS2. But, Muhd had always warned me there was something wrong with my house. He said he saw a lady in white once standing right beside John staring at him, while we were sitting in the living room playing games but he chose not to mention it as he didn’t think she would harm us.

Once when Muhd came over for dinner, my mum randomly mentioned that she was having a recurring bad dream for the past few nights. She would dream of herself waking up to find her room filled with young children running and playing around accompanied with a lady. She was never able to see the lady’s face, as she would just stand motionless among the children with her back turned away. Muhd decided to investigate the matter, Muhd’s uncle was a medicine man or a ‘Bomoh’ and he learns a lot from his uncle and is able to perform simple rituals for people.

Muhd went into my mom’s room and said he sensed something, he made me accompany him in the room alone much to my whining and protests. With the lights switched off we sat down in the middle of the room. Muhd had his eyes closed in silent prayer, and me, not wanting to see anything strange closed my eyes too. After a few minutes of total silence Muhd said, “It’s in the mirror!” he said while he was chanting his prayers he sensed something rush past behind him heading straight into the mirror. He explained to me those mirrors are often a gateway between our dimension and theirs’ so it’s not uncommon for it to run into the mirror. My mom had a huge freestanding swivel mirror with gold frame in her room, which she kept in a corner facing her when she sleeps.

He got a white bed-sheet from my maid to cover the mirror while he again sat down in front of the mirror chanting some prayer lines. I stood beside him in absolute shock and fear not knowing what to do. After a long line of verses Muhd made a ‘pushing’ move with one hand at the mirror, what scared me more was that I actually saw the mirror shake when he did that move. Muhd was sitted in such a way that even with his hands outstretched he couldn’t have touched the mirror, but I could swear I saw the mirror shaking.

After about 15mins in the darkness I was relieved to hear Muhd say that it was done. I rushed out of the room to get myself something to drink with my hands still shaking. Muhd revealed to my mum that there was a lady living ‘in’ her mirror and she was the one causing all the trouble in our house. Muhd said she wouldn’t bother us anymore because he had ‘burned’ her and advised my mum to cover the mirror with a white cloth at night.

Muhd proved my theories about the supernatural to be all wrong, I had outgrown the phase where sounds in the night scare the hell out of me but Muhd gave me enough reason to question again those nocturnal sounds.

Tell us a story Grandpa

2009-05-14T12:56:00.000+08:00

“I don’t even think I can live until 80!”

That is the general response I receive when I explain to people the condition of Grandpa. It is with this thought that sets my mind at ease. If there was any definition for the term “Ripe Old Age” it has to be the age Grandpa is at. Having gone through 87 years of life, Grandpa must have accumulated a myriad of memorable stories about his life. WW2 alone must be worth at least 1 week of storytelling. The thing is, we never bothered to sit down with Grandpa for him to share his stories or never asked for his advice or guidance on any matter. As such, his stories will never be passed along down the family tree.

It’s funny how when you look back, you start to recall so many opportunities that we could have gone, “Ah Gong, what happened to you during WW2?” But it never happened….

Qi - by Shawn Chua

2009-05-13T20:29:00.003+08:00

This vid was made by our man Shawn Chua. It's for some competition, and I think it has got to do with some Arts Festival Thing. (Shawn, apologies for that.)

So please show your love, and vote for this vid. The polls open on 15th May and ends on the 26th.

Let's say a little prayer

2009-05-12T18:26:00.003+08:00

We need nothing short of a Divine Intervention...

"We do not pray at all until we are at our wits' end."

Oswald Chambers

The one about Grandpa

2009-05-11T16:29:00.002+08:00

Many things in life incite different forms of emotions, as we grow we learn to react to different events with a dynamic set of emotions. We do not need to learn how to feel happy or when to feel sad. When another kid snatches your ball away, you do not need anyone to tell you, “You should be angry now”, it comes naturally and even if you do not know what being angry means, it doesn’t stop you from feeling so.

Then again there are events in life, which, no matter how many times it happens, you never learn to deal with it in the right way. A set of events defying all pre-established norms. An anomaly on the unblemished surface of our emotional resume.

Old age and death is a natural transition interweaving between our lives, a common trait you share with the stranger beside you on the train.

Often times, it is with the benefit of hindsight that you come to realize how big an impact someone has been on your development. You start to wonder how you might have turned out without their guidance or advice. Would you be better of, or would your path become skewed.

The reason for this post is my Grandfather. He is 87 this year, no longer the authoritative figure we have grown up with, no longer able to shuttle between Singapore and Indonesia on his own and no longer able to chase me around trying to knock my head with his knuckles. Instead he now requires an aide to hold onto him as he makes his daily commute from his room into the living room or the kitchen. The aide my mom hired for him is Indonesian, the only other language my Grandfather is proficient in, and her job is to watch over him and attend to his needs at all times of the day.

But no matter how careful you are with an elderly person, accidents can always happen. Last Tuesday, while on his way to the Kitchen, the Aide turned away for a few seconds and my Grandfather fell. He apparently fell forward hitting the right side of his head on the bedpost causing a large bruise over the surrounding area. Seeing that he was conscious and able to walk back to his bed, my family decided to let the matter rest.

The next day, when I came home from work, my mom told me of the accident. I asked her how he is doing now and my auntie, who had been listening, replied that he hadn’t gotten out of bed the whole day. I decided to investigate the matter seeing that a reduced sate of consciousness is not a good sign as it may indicate other complications such as head injury or a concussion. When I went to see him, I saw a big swollen area over his right eye, and noticed that the right was tearing. I looked around the head for any other signs of bruising when I saw a patch of purplish bruises behind his right ear. I looked at the other ear and noticed the same bruising.

I knew immediately these were Battle’s Signs. Named after William Henry Battle, Battle's sign, also known as mastoid ecchymosis in medical terminolgy, is an indication of a fracture of the base of the posterior portion of the skull and may suggest underlying brain trauma. It consists of bruising immediately behind the ears. Another common bruising sign of a skull injury is raccoon eyes, the purplish discoloration around the eyes following fracture of the frontal portion of the skull base. But since my Grandfather suffered blunt force trauma to the region around his eye, I ruled the bruising under his eye to the immediate effects of the trauma.

I notified my family of this discovery and alerted them to the seriousness of the matter at hand now. I explained to them the complications that could arise from a brain injury stressing on words such as Brain Death and Aneurysm. I told them I have seen such signs before on patients of Road Traffic Accidents and other cases where major head trauma was sustained. I advised them it was definitely a good idea to at least have the injury checked out while highlighting the bruises behind his ears.

My Grandfather was taken to Mount Elizabeth hospital on Wednesday night for an X-Ray. A decision, which I protested. Private Hospitals do not have doctors on standby in their A&Es thus not being able to provide emergency care for my Grandfather. The family however, were against the idea of sending him to a government hospital citing long waiting periods, poor ward conditions and since Grandpa was an Indonesian citizen, he wouldn’t receive any government subsidy anyway. Even after explaining that the Ambulance service (which I am VERY familiar with) will send Grandpa directly into the A&E immediately handing over the case to the doctors (no waiting time), they were still adamant on their decision.

Auntie 1: Wah must call Ambulance ah
Auntie 2: Wah dowan lah later Police also will come
Me: The Police come for what?
Auntie 1: Not so serious lah no need ambulance lah
Me: Ah Kong’s condition is serious
Auntie 2: Choy! Don’t anyhow say!

After much argument I could only bite back tears as I watched my Grandpa being wheeled into the A&E of Mt Elizabeth Hospital. As my aunties were with him I was asked to return home to await news since I had to study for an exam on Friday. Part of me wanted to scream at my aunties while the other part forced me to control my emotions. I knew full well the futility of my argument. After all who did I think I was, I was only a Medic during NS, all the medical knowledge and experience I had gathered were only from my 6 months of intensive lectures and 1 and a half-year of public service. I did not have the right to diagnose my Grandfather.

I went back with dread in my heart, the kind of dread that restricts you from doing anything else. I sit in XM’s living room trying my best to study but the words in front of me continued to make no sense. My mind was flustered, eagerly awaiting news from my aunties. Images of Grandpa sitting me down and making me repeat his sentences in Malay, and of him showing me the right way of eating rice with my hands, how he would knock my head if I used the wrong hand flashed through my mind like sadistic picture cards.

My phone rang at 1am, my mum informed me that the X-ray results turned out ok and Grandpa was on his way home. I was relieved at my own misdiagnosis and glad that everything turned out well.

The next day, the family had a meeting at my place, seeing that Grandpa’s condition hasn’t changed much, they decided to bring him to another specialist at Mt. Elizabeth Hospital. This time a CT Scan was to be performed, which will prominently display any irregularities associated with the injury. My diagnosis from the previous day came back to haunt me, I realized that an X-ray will not be sufficient to show any anomalies in the head. For a head injury to be confirmed a CT Scan needs to be performed.

The results were released the very same day. Just as I had thought Grandpa did sustain injury to his brain thereby causing the Battle Signs to appear. There was bleeding in his brain, and the some of the blood had coagulated forming a major blood clot in his skull. At his age the doctors advised against open brain surgery, a procedure that is risky even when performed on a healthy teenager. Statistics wise, the doctor had quoted a 30% chance of survival from the procedure. There was nothing much the doctors could do.

An emergency family meeting was held, filled with tears and regrets. I wanted to say out loud, “I told you so!” but restrained myself. I don’t see any point adding insult to injury besides even if we had sent him to the A&E of Changi General immediately, there was doubt that anything could have been done. The only thing to do now was to stay with my family throughout these difficult times. It was decided that Grandpa should be discharged letting him spend his final days with loved ones. Even though he is in a coma now a part of us thinks he knows we are beside him, holding his hands.

Hollorado

2009-05-09T23:38:00.004+08:00

This video was flagged up by James Green, who is currently working on a dissertation on skateboarding.

If you watch only one video today, make this the one:

The Story of Passionate Eating

2009-05-07T20:45:00.003+08:00

Admist the hot passionate, sweaty, tongue twisting kiss, B proceeds to whip out J's succulent wiener, and J gave B's Chicken Pie a hot sexy sensual lick.

With mustard and ketchup, B engulfed the huge german frankfurter, while J sliced opened B's steaming hot Chicken Pie. The newly made friends were happy that they stopped by Seven-Eleven to grab their late night supper...

NOW GET BACK TO WORK, YOU DIRTY BASTARDS!!!!

Educating your Kids.

2009-05-06T21:02:00.001+08:00

Safe Sex or Abstinence?

Wtf? The former, of course...

A story of passion

2009-05-05T12:49:00.004+08:00

J roused from his sleep in an unfamiliar room. He looked around him for clues of his whereabouts; he finds nothing definitive and nothing extraordinary. All he knew was that it belonged to a girl, a lady perhaps from the distinctive décor of the room, the pressed silk sheets venetian in origin contrasting well against the satin red drapes from which emanated a single ray of light into the dimness. The dressing table looked organized, bottles of nail polish arranged according to their hue and perfumes by height. Even the clothes rack was pristine; J’s clothes were neatly folded and tucked away at the bottom of the rack next to a sheer white halter-neck dress pressed away beneath a set of laced lingerie.

J snooped around the bedside table looking for picture frames, purses, mail anything that would verify the room’s occupant. Nothing, everything was tucked away tactfully; giving up J slumped back onto the bed catching whiff of a floral scent on the next pillow. J loved a lady that smelled good. From the state of the room J deduced that she must be someone conscious of appearances with meticulous attention to detail. He kicked back as he tried to recall the night.

B was in the shower, soaking under the lukewarm jets as she recalled the night. She didn’t think she would fall in love again, J proved her wrong. She recalled seeing J a couple of times previously in the bar, she admired his immaculate dress sense and his clean-shaven looks, how his biceps threatened to rip through his shirts and she wondered how they looked exposed. She had swooned on a few close encounters with J, once when he came up beside her on the bar to speak to the bartender, he had winked at her and B remembered how the butterflies fluttered in her stomach.

B was feeling down from a recent break-up and had decided to head to the bar for some drinks alone. She never thought she would bounce right back into love again, she hadn’t prepared herself for prospective suitors but along came J. She had noticed J when she stepped into the bar, and had wondered why he too was alone. They exchanged glances at each other briefly before J stepped up to buy her a drink. B tried to start a casual conversation about the weather but realized how awkward she sounded. J handed her a paper towel, she didn’t know she was still tearing. She wiped away her tears apologizing for herself as she reached for her Martini.

As J lay under the crisp silk sheets, the events of the night before came flooding back into his memory. He remembered seeing B before at the bar, but never mustered the courage to approach her. Her friends always surrounded her but J could have sworn there was always a halo of light illuminating her very presence. J admired the way she carried herself, always decked out in elegant dresses with a plunging neckline accentuating her ample bosom. J had wondered how her hair falls back so nicely into place every time she throws her head back as she laughed.

J remembered how differently she had looked the night before; the halo above her head provided enough illumination for J to figure out that she had been crying. Gone were her graceful dresses and flowing tresses, instead she was dressed simply in a t-shirt and a pair of skinny jeans with her hair in a perfect ponytail. J wondered what made her cry. J had just lost his job and was alone drinking in the pub with no friends to accompany him. He had tried calling a few mates but they all had work in the morning, J did not tell them he had been fired instead he decided to drown his sorrows on his own. He had been sitting by himself on one end of the bar wondering what life would bring him next when B strolled in. He remembered how his spirits had lifted at the sight of her.

J had told her that everything would be fine and B remembered how everything suddenly seemed so trivial. B was amazed at how comforting his presence was, and for a moment kept herself from falling into his arms in an uncontrollable heap of sorrow. B wanted to spill her misery out to this stranger but contemplated how inappropriate that would have been.

They started making casual conversation over the news, entertainment gossips and even about their colleagues. J was glad to see the smile return to her face. They talked about themselves and how they hated their jobs, they teased each other and cracked jokes over their drinks. They started confessing how they had noticed one another but never found the strength to strike a conversation, afraid of sending each other the wrong signals.

They stumbled out of the bar each with a bottle of wine in hand toasting to the most inanimate objects as they laughed at each other’s antics. B suggested going back to her place for more drinks, a suggestion to which J adamantly declined. After much coaxing and teasing by B, J relented and they hopped into a cab heading straight to her apartment.

They were laughing and tripping over themselves as they headed towards her door stumbling over each other in a drunken heap of laughter. The yearning they had for each other was culpable, a culmination of admiration and an intense desire to hold each other tight as they drifted off to sleep.

They finally made it through the door collapsing lazily on her satin sofa as they joked about the night. B stumbled clumsily into her kitchen, returning with 2 bottles of her best wine. J popped the cork off both bottles and proposed a toast to their newfound companionship. B laughed it off and casually remarked how much she had wanted him to approach her before. In the ensuing silence J snuck a peck on B’s cheeks, shocked by his action but burning for more, B grabbed him by the neck and gave him a long passionate kiss.

Be very AWARE

2009-05-04T08:59:00.002+08:00

I am definitely not a fervent follower of the AWARE saga. However, this whole AWARE episode have created so much controversies and hype in Singapore, it is hard not to take notice. So for those who are oblivious as to what has been happening, AWARE’s new exco has officially stepped down after a grueling 7 hours press conference followed by a vote of no confidence by the 2000 strong AWARE members. Hence, it is almost convincing that these members are all pro-gay.

In a nutshell, the dispute is between the new and old guard on homosexuality issues, with the new exco accusing the old of promoting and encouraging homosexuality. On the other hand, we have the old exco accusing the new ones for being untruthful to the press and having hidden agendas, while it was so obvious that they are anti gay.

I will choose not comment on gay issues, but what I have to say is that this whole AWARE saga is a turning point for something much more controversial. That is, the need for civil liberties. I have to admit that I do not advocate for Human Rights, and neither am I a very big fan of the Human Rights Act. I BELIEVE that if you have rights, you will have inefficiency, and I honestly BELIEVE that they are mutually exclusive. If you want efficiency, you cannot have rights. Have a look at most of the European countries, they have ‘many’ rights, but its bl*ody inefficient. You may have postal strike today and followed by a rail strike tomorrow. You will have national legislations struck down for contravening Human Rights; you will have demonstrations every now and then because people love to exercise their right to free speech; and if you are a politician, you will have pies thrown at you. Yes, you may say that as Humans, we are entitled to freedom and we should respect personal autonomy. However, for the greater good, we cannot have ‘rights’ recognized in Singapore, at least for now.

With regards to the AWARE saga, may I ask why the hype over the whole homosexuality agenda, or why the hype over the whole repeal s.337(a)? What worries me is that Singaporeans desire to be modeled after America or Britain that has laws to confer ‘rights’ upon the individuals.

There is a reason why Singapore has a reputation of being one the World’s safest countries. For 50 years, the citizens have been kept on a tight leash by a very competent government and by a set of very strict laws. Are we going to give them all up now for the sake of ‘rights’? Not now, but it will be hard to say in the future. Perhaps in our lifetime, we may actually see a bill modeled after Britain’s Human Rights Act.

The Far Right

2009-05-02T01:41:00.000+08:00

Let me clear the air.

For a non-EU migrant to be granted permission to seek work in the UK, he/ she has to satisfy a points-based entry clearance scheme. Unless this person scores a minimum number of points, entry will be denied. Amongst other things, the satisfaction of this scheme means:

(i) said non-EU migrant is not allowed access to your country's precious social welfare or public funds.

(ii) said non-EU migrant has to prove he/ she has resolved all housing and funding issues before entry, which suggests that even if non-EU migrants could access your country's precious social welfare or public funds, they would not care for it.

(iii) said non-EU migrant will likely be well-educated, since a basic degree counts for squat under the points system. To be pernickety, a basic degree gets a grand total of ZERO points under the scheme.

(iv) said non-EU migrant has to demonstrate proficiency in the English language, as evidenced by international standardized tests like the IELTS and the TOEFL, both of which the average Britain has proven to be appallingly bad at.

(v) the necessary corollary of points (iii) and (iv) above is that non-EU migrants pay more taxes on a per-capita basis than the average Britain. This means non-EU migrants fund your welfare schemes and the laughable behemoth that is the NHS.

(vi) therefore, on this beautiful, sunny Labour Day, I would like to deliver a big FUCK YOU to our friends at 10 Downing Street for your shameless politicking and for messing with the minds of your people with untruths.

The Best Game Ever!

2009-04-30T11:35:00.003+08:00

RSVP, which is an event organized by 987fm, is a monthly affair falling on the last weekend of every month. The event allows call-in winners to the radio show for a night of mindless revelry together with 3 invited guests. There is no fixed location for RSVP; instead it is more of a nomadic affair bestowing itself across most major nightspots across the island, much like a gypsy herb hawker. One thing that sets RSVP apart from other parties is the promise of good music, fantastic vibes and free-flow of alcohol.

We have become a staple part of every RSVP event.

RSVP April, graced itself upon Rebel at Clarke Quay with a promise of mind-blowing Hip-Hop all night long. A day before the event, I had a life-changing conversation with Justin, as impactful as it is; this is as much as I could remember of it.

Justin: Yoyoyo tmr RSVP
Kenny: Yeah man could be my last night out before exams
Justin: Yo man then we need to go CRAZY!
Kenny: You know ah, we never EVER get mad drunk at RSVP.
Justin: Yah man it’s free flow leh dunno how come leh.
Kenny: Yah we always stop somewhere, then when it’s not RSVP we go crazy hahahaha.
Justin: Hahahaha yah siah
Kenny: We need to make everyone drink, but how?
Justin: You mean like a QUOTA ah?

When Justin mentioned QUOTA, bolts of neurotic brain charges started flying around my head like a bunch of migrating geese on steroids. We started drawing out game plans and brainstorming the ways with which we can effectively instill such a quota on the guys.

By the end of the conversation, we were enlightened individuals, spatially convulsing and salivating uncontrollably at the promise of THE BEST GAME EVER.

I prepared and printed out some charts and taped it against some vanguard before clipping the tags onto some lanyard (I prepared 10 tags in all) I had pilfered from the office. It was beginning to take shape. The child of our devious discussion and brainstorming, the promised one, the messiah that lights our path from sobriety to inebriation, quite simply put, IT WAS THE BOMB!

I couldn’t wait to show my creation to the guys, I imagined their faces as they cringed and prayed. We headed out to meet the guys for dinner with a mischievous smirk on my face.

At first sight, the guys were blown away at the effort I had taken into preparing the lanyards. I explained the rules of the games to the guys. Essentially the participant had to write their name and age at the top of the tag. The tag is labeled from Drink 1 to Drink 30, all participants had to drink the equivalent of their age by the end of the night. The slowest participants will be made to share a jug of alcohol. Participants are given the chance to reduce their drink count by performing a randomly suggested forfeit that may range from hitting on a stranger (Minus one drink) to dancing on the bar-top (Minus 3 drinks). The exact nature and weight of the forfeit is to be concluded unanimously so the more everyone drank the wilder the forfeit gets. GOOD TIMES.

Denny: Dude one glass is one shot of alcohol leh.
Kenny: Issit?
Denny: Yahlah I was a bartender before leh.
Kenny: So 25 glasses sounds ok what.
Denny: Eh dude, one bottle is 25 shots leh.
Kenny: Wah so 25 drinks is one bottle ah?
Denny: Yahlah, you siao ah each person drink one bottle.
Kenny: Aiyah their drinks diluted one lah hahahaha.

Worst.Mistake.Ever.

It turned out the drinks at Rebel were toxic. We had Screwdrivers that contained no taste of Orange, Cranberry Vodkas that didn’t have a hint of berry, everything on our table reeked of vodka. By the 5th glass, everything caused a gag effect. By the time free-flow ended at 11.30, I was barely halfway into the game; I gazed down at my 12th glass and gulped it down while refraining it from coming back out. We headed to Zouk to continue the marathon.

Zouk was a blur, as people started to drop out and concede while others were puking their intestines out. Although 15 glasses sounds trivial, taken into perspective, it actually means all of us drank half a bottle of Vodka each.

By the end of the night, there was no doubt about it, we just experienced the BEST GAME EVER!

Skating a Bike

2009-04-28T20:50:00.008+08:00

This is what you do when you can't decide whether to skate or ride a bike.

I don't have much money, but if I did, I'd buy a house where we both could live. I know it's not much but it's the best I can do. This bike's for you and you can tell everybody this is your bike.

I hope you don't mind that I put down in words, that I put down in words, that I put down in words, that I put down in words, that I put down in words, that I put down in words,that I put down in words, that I put down in words, that I put down in words, how wonderful life was when you were in my world.

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH SKATE THAT BIKE!!!!

YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH YEAH SKATE THAT BIKE!!!!

YEAH YEAH YEAH SKATE THAT BIKE!!!!

I Love Singapore!

2009-04-25T06:34:00.005+08:00

It's Singapore Day tomorrow! This event is particularly significant to all the Singaporeans in London, because if you are currently in Singapore, you can have Singapore Day everyday, so bugger off.

Singapore Day is brought to you by our beloved nation to showcase our cuisine and culture (definitely 'kiasuism', because from what I heard, Singaporeans will be queuing up for hours even before the gates at Hampton Court are open). The very first Singapore Day was held in New York in 2007 and its response was overwhelming. Hardly suprising if you consider the fact that Singaporeans are naturally attracted to 'freebies'. So as the saying goes, "you can take a Singaporean out of Singapore, but never the Singapore out of a Singaporean!"

Hence, to coincide with this joyous occassion, I would like to take the opportunity to write a list of ten things that I LOVE about Singapore! (The list is not exhaustive)

10. Our license plate starts with a "S", helps to differentiate our vehicles from our friendly proton neighbours.
9. We have parking attendants that the coffee shop uncles call "Summon Lai Liao!"
8. What used to be a Hokkien word for the female genitalia (Che*B*e) has gain International recognition and now stands equal to the word "F*ck" in terms of versatlity in usage.
7. We call our hippies "Ah Bengs, Ah Lians, Mat, Minahs, and Kenny"
6. We are definitely not a racists country. We treat people from different races like our very own brothers. - "Eh Ah Bang! Egg Prata one!"
5. We call our friends' parents "Uncle" and "Auntie" when we have no whatesoever blood relations with them.
4. Office executives use tissue packets to "chop" or to indicate that the seat has been taken. So dont be mistaken, the tissue is not for free.
3. A bloody thrashy site, like STOMP, makes you wanan kick the contributor instead for invading people's privacy.
2. Zouk. It is one of the best nightspots around, you have to admit that.
1. My friends.

Majulah Singapura!

Taxiing Down The Runway

2009-04-23T04:50:00.007+08:00

I was contemplating doing a review about my new Red Wings, but decided against it for now.

Instead, I will talk about how I am feeling rather bored with this lawyer training.

It kind of started last Saturday, when I met up with an old friend. He used to read the news on the BBC. When I met him, however, he had a new life and a new job in the adult film industry. We had planned on dinner and drinks, and we had both invited some other people. Unsurprisingly, my friend's "friends" included some of his work mates. So we ended up having drinks at some random guy's pad with Lela Star and Katsuni, which, to say the least, was a strange experience.

Actually, both Katsuni and Star were quite friendly, and the only persons who were star-struck were the waiters who probably thought they were playing a part in a porn film. Anyway, the girls had minimal make-up, and their skin wasn't exactly flawless. But they were nice people, and Star in particular was very interested in my bull terrier. I think she was thinking of buying one, but I hope I've dissuaded her. My life hasn't been the same since my dog died.

So yes, we drank and talked and people were snorting some random shit (including cinnamon powder), and it was generally a great night. But more importantly, it made me realise what a boring future I was about to embark on. The firm I'm joining is supposed to be okay, and the people are supposed to be bright, but whenever I compare firm-sponsored events with my secret life, I kind of wonder what I've let myself in for.

I'm not saying I want to become a porn star/ director/ cameraman. But maybe I'm more of a Red Wings guy than a Pregiato-wearing yuppie on a yacht. It certainly feels that way.

Girlyyyyy Mannnnnn!

2009-04-21T18:17:00.002+08:00

Amidst the drunken stupor, here's a hilarious Bollywood rendition of Michael Jackson's Thriller to stab you in the eyes. GIrrrrrrrrrlyyyyyyyyy Mannnnnnnnnnnn~

The Epitome of Spontaneity

2009-04-19T18:33:00.005+08:00

How many days do you need to plan for a 'kick-ass' party?

The answer in our case is 2 days.

Wednesday was the day the plans were thrown out over SMS exchanges between Denny and me. Prior to the BBQ plans, the original intention was to throw a steamboat party at my place but along the way the plans got skewed towards what was now a BBQ party. So I went home and booked the pits for Friday (2 days away) while Denny threw out the invites.

When the day came, we realized we overlooked the alcohol. This was a major problem because a party without alcohol is like a prostitute having her menses i.e. useless. By 5pm on Friday, we only had 3 confirmed bottles of alcohol and 2 bottles of wine, which was enough for a dinner party not a BBQ party. In view of our situation, I came up with a novel way to get drunk; since we usually played games to get people drunk I figured we could do the same thing with a twist. Only the winners get to drink. I marvel at my ingenuity as I logged off from MSN in time to get the food ready.

Food was from "The BBQ People" over at Frankel Ave (Most defuckinglicious Otaks and Lamb Chops ever) where everything is pre-marinated and prepared, so the only thing we need to do is to slap it on the fire while we cheat our way to the drinks. Life looks so much easier already. Denny was running late so Chloe, Chanel and me ran around stocking up on necessities and utensils.

By 7pm the pits were fired up as the people trickled in. By 8pm we realized the earlier worries we harnessed were unfounded. Justin came over with 3 bags of beer, Fucheng brought 2 six-packs and a bottle of Sheridan, Shawn prepared 1 bottle of Vodka and 2 bottles, Denny and Chloe decided to buy an extra bottle of Johnnie Walker while I brought another bottle of Martell from home. We soon realized we had ‘too much’ alcohol; we celebrated this fact by throwing random people into the pool.

Denny, much like the incredible hulk tore off his tee and went berserk after being thrown into the pool with his mobile phone in his pocket. Thereafter, anybody who locked eyes with Denny would be dragged, screaming murder, into the pool. We tried to avoid his gaze by secluding ourselves as we munched on the incredible Lamb Chops and wings cooked up by Beng (Props to Beng for tending to the fire all night long).

As the night drew on, more and more people started to fill the chairs and the party spilled out over the deck chairs and benches surrounding the pool area. By the time we were done with the food, most of everybody was well on their way to getting smashed. Wallace was going around concocting vile mixtures of Martell and Green Tea scamming people into drinking while Denny was out and about making everyone finish half of whatever they are holding.

By 11pm I was wondering why the cops have not turned up since we were making so much noise Metallica could have hired us to warm up the crowds at their concerts (My mum said she could hear us from the 16th floor). Oblivious to our own antics, we continued making merry and getting people to drink as much as they can, if all of us were hunchbacks, we would qualify as a migrating herd of camels and Animal Planet would check us out in their next docudrama.

At 12am, my fears came true, one security guard came over to announce that they had received a complaint from a bothersome resident and urged us to lower the volumes. I announced this piece of news to everyone but the noise level went back up 15 minutes later. While we were body slamming one another in the pool a voice came from above, and we all thought God were speaking to us. We looked up only to find that God was living in the 6th floor unit directly above the pool.

6th Floor: CAN YOU GUYS KEEP IT DOWN IT’S 12AM!!
Me: IT’S A FRIDAY NIGHT, YOU GOT NO LIFE AH??!

Immediately 4 security guards swarmed in on us in a coordinated effort much like how the riot police would dissipate an angry mob.

Guard: I’m sorry guys I have to ask you all to leave, otherwise we have to call the cops.
Me: Ok ok give us some time to pack things up.

We soon learnt that thinking this promise would get them off our backs was the equivalent of thinking Paris Hilton wasn’t sleeping around. The guards decided the best way to make us leave was to stay around and watch us pack our stuffs before going back to their rest area for doughnuts.

Since my place was really close to East Coast Park, we concluded that it was the only logical place to go at this time of night. We packed the remainder of our drinks and headed over in 4 cars. Finding a secluded spot behind the McDonalds we parked and chilled about for abit, too drunk to look for a picnic spot and too lazy to wander away from the car.

Denny: Eh your car can tune in to my iPod’s frequency right?
Me: Yah should be able to.
Denny: OK tune in to 103.4fm
Me: OK So there we had music settled.

Two cars with the windows down, playing trance at max volume, overlooking the beach with the sand beneath our feet. It was like Zoukout, all over again.

To avoid suspicion, Denny emptied a few bottles of alcohol into the bottles of coke and went round making people drink in gigantic gulps. People walking by shot us angry and jealous looks. Oblivious to everyone else we were just too busy snapping photos, shouting and dancing. I’m sure if a patrol car spotted us, we would have all been hauled back to the station for interrogation, and I wouldn’t be surprised if someone called the cops on us. We were drunk, loud, obnoxious and loving every second of it.

What happened around the beach was a blur and I have little recollections of the minute details, but from the pictures we took it was clear that we had fun.

How a supposed ‘Chill Night’ unfolded into this wild party is beyond me. But one thing is certain, we just had the Best Party Ever!

Menses for you Sir?

2009-04-18T00:30:00.005+08:00

I was surfing the net a couple of days ago and I came across this pretty cool article on Asiaone. It's about this Indonesian Maid mixing her menstrual blood into her employer's food in an effort to improve their employer-employee relationship. Pretty screwed up. When i was reading it, i realised that Kenny has an Indo maid as well, and seeing how he kicks and scolds her all the time, i thought I should share it with you guys.

In an attempt to 'voodoolised' her employer with the 'blood's' special powers, the Indo Maid allegedly mixed her 'blood' with vegetables and water. Her attempt to create this new delicacy was busted minutes later when her employer, Ms Mok, entered the kitchen.

Although, this incident may be funny to some, I do not think that it should be taken lightly, especially when Kenny loves eating his Mee Kua. As a matter of fact, he might have digested a few already.

The Sickest Video Part

2009-04-16T18:37:00.004+08:00

Seriously WHAT THE FUCK was this guy thinking, this is probably the sickest video parts i've come across. Thanks to Dino for the heads-up.

(Look for more of this dude's clips on YouTube, definetely worth the effort)

The HK Story

2009-04-16T09:19:00.008+08:00

Skateboarding and the authorities have always taken to each other like ice and fire. Things seem to have improved in recent years with the general public becoming more accepting towards our sport. But back in the times when i would label ourselves as ardent 'Skaters', the sight of a cop car causes a scrambling as everyone pick up their boards and flee in scattered directions. I remember once running all the way Raffles MRT right up to Far East Square, quite a distance i tell you, now whenever i drive that stretch, i mumble in disgust at what my body have become.

It used to be so bad, you would get a whole bucket of shit for mock-yelling "5-0!" while everybody is skating. It is not uncommon to see skaters like ourselves getting booked for skateboarding in public spaces and overtime, we have come to learn what to do and what not to do during such situations. For example, we have learnt that trying to run away only serves to double the offense if you're caught. So most often when the cops come to check us out we will not put up any forms of resistance (minus the time i was hiding in the bush) as we allow them to do their mandatory checks. We always get off with a warning, after which we would go get some food or drinks before coming back to the spot again. It was all good, kind of like a love-hate relationship.

And then there was HK.

Kurt and i met HK one night while skating at Roxy, Kurt being Kurt, invited HK to come join us for abit. HK was a little over Kurt's age, and had been skating longer than either of us. I remember at that point we were content with ollieing up or kickflipping up the set of 4 stairs at Roxy, but HK would do shove-its and 180s up those steps to our wide-eyed amazement.

Sometime back i met HK skating alone at Bedok park and had a little chat with him, he was doing some freelance editorial stuff for CLEO magazine (envy) and the following events would shock him out of street skating.

Back then, HK hadn't graduated from Harvard University and was back in Singapore on holiday. He made a few appearances with us, and we kind of hit it off from the beginning, then again, can Kurt ever 'not' get along with anybody?

There was one particular night, we were skating at Roxy (I'm sure I was there with Muhd and either Kurt or Mann) when the cops pulled up beside us. Me and Muhd were at the lower part of Roxy where the cops pulled up while HK was standing further away, above the stairs.

Instinctively when the cops came, me and Muhd proceeded to sit our asses down on the benched as we prepared our ICs for routine checks. When the two officers came up to us, HK was still standing rooted where he was but he seemed iffy and hesitant to comply.

Me: Dude what are you doing?
Officer: Sir can you make your way down here please?

Hearing this must have set something off in HK's head because he bolted. He just got on his board and started pedalling with his backpack and everything. We saw him pedalling with all his strength trying to get away from the situation. On seeing this, one of the cops, a staff sergeant, gave chase whilst his partner stayed with us. HK was already quite a distance away.

Me: Fuck man the guy's a cheetah!
Muhd: Yah sial.

The staff sergeant was a running machine, and we silently hoped HK manages to escape, because deep down we knew that if he got caught, he would be up to his eyeballs in shit.

On seeing the officer closing in, HK got off his board and popped it into his hands running now as fast as his legs could carry him. The officer must have been on steroids because he caught up with HK in no time at all. We saw from a distance away the officer in one swift motion grab hold of HK's backpack before flinging HK clear off the pavement onto the grass patch. The both of them could be seen rolling around as the officer tried to restrain HK as best as he could.

After what seemed like 15mins, the officer managed to pin HK face-down on the grass while he had his knees painfully pressed against HK's back. HK was brought back to us handcuffed and visibly shaken. Me and Muhd could only look on in shock as they made HK kneel down on the rough floor.

One officer emptied HK's backpack onto the floor indiscriminately as they rummaged through his belongings obviously searching for contrabands while the other went through his pockets and wallet for identifications.

Officer 1: Wah!
Officer 2: What is it?
Officer 1: Wah you're from Harvard ah? Are you sure?
HK: Yes sir.
Officer 2: Harvard also got people like you ah?

Before shoving him to the ground face first.

One of the officers poked HK indignantly with his boots as he questioned his identity and particulars.

Officer 1: What are you studying in Harvard?
HK: ** mumbles something under his breathe **
Officer 2: Wah! I thought you study skateboarding in Harvard!
Officer 1: No lah Harvard people where got skateboard one?

Altough not personally being involved in their interogation, i can't help but feel sorry for HK's plight being restrained and indignantly humiliated with derogatory remarks. At one point we even witnessed one officer roughly pressing his foot on top of HK's head.

Almost in tears, HK was led into the cop car as he was brough back into lockup. I stole a glance at HK as the car pulled away from Roxy. All i could see in that moment HK's eyes met mine, is melancholy and humiliation as me and Muhd sat on the bench in shell-shock silence.

We met up with HK a few times after that night to corroborate our statements. Apparently, the officer had accused HK of elbowing him when he tried to resist arrest and he was being tried for assault on a police officer.

Things turned out well after the trial and HK was deservedly acquited of the charges, but we were never to see him again.

When i talked to HK at Bedok Skatepark (almost 6 years after that night), he revealed that he was still scarred by the incident and that he only restricts himself to skating at parks and other designated areas for now.

You can take the Man out of the street, but you can never take the street out of the Man.

I apologise for this post having no pictures, so i will leave you with a picture of me frontslide boardsliding down a set of Handrail somewhere in Marine Parade. GOOD TIMES!!

The Longest Weekend... Ever.

2009-04-14T12:28:00.009+08:00

Wednesday: Indochine; Kopitiam; Zouk
Thursday: Zouk
Friday: Kopitiam; Zouk; Balcony
Saturday: Acid Bar; KBox

(I'm deliberately keeping this entry short due to the massive amount of information required if i went into detail... also alcohol amnesia is a bitch)

Friday the 10th of April 2009, if you do not not know what day that is, please check your calendar. But if you're lazy and fat like us then just be informed that its Good Friday (Public Holiday). A Public Holiday that falls on a Friday simply means LONG WEEKEND, which is something to be treasured especially if you're holding down a shitty low-paying job.

My recollections of the past weekend is distorted and clouded, mostly due to the after-effects of binge drinking and alcohol amnesia. I don't remember a single particular day over the weekend where i did not wake up to find the room spinning against my will and my stomach churning like an overloaded dish-washer. God, i love the feeling of being inebriated.

Wednesday (Ladies Night)

John had told me previously that he would be having a classmate over from Nottingham and was wondering whether we could show him a good time. I smacked him squarely on his forehead for even suggesting that we need to "deliberately" have a good time.

So anyway i met up with John and his friend Adrian for dinner in Orchard Road. The idiot made me travel by cab to Suntec City only to inform me when i arrived that they are at Heeren. I had to keep myself from stabbing my ear with my earphones for not calling to check all the way during the ride from City Hall to Somerset.

I arrived at Heeren panting with beads of perspiration trickling down my forehead clearly agitated that i have visible sweat stains under my pits. Dinner was a simple fare of local cuisine specifically chosen for Adrian's visit.

We settled down at Indochines Wisma for some beers, capitalizing on their one-for-one promotion every weeknight before 9pm (Yap we know all the spots), as we awaited Elise, justin and Denny.

When everyone arrived we proceeded to Zouk's Kopitiam where Justin immediately ordered 10 bottles before we sat down. Me and Denny followed up with one more crate of beer as we played games amongst ourselves. By the end of this session we had consumed 2 crates of beer or as we overheard from the uncle, "Nabeh those people finish all the chilled Heineken already!".

We went into Zouk only to find our favourite waiter, who always saves a table for us and offers us the best deals, Jeremy, was on leave so we headed to the Member's Area for our shenanigans.

I cant remember what we had at Zouk but i think somewhere along the lines i took a couple of shots of Chivas so im sure Justin bought a bottle (or it could have been 2 bottles) either prior or after Kurt and Dino's arrival. But i ended the night pretty sloshed and drained. I remember when Dino sent me home i kept asking him not to talk to me and that i will fucking punch him if he tried.

Wait come to think of it, i remember there was some Vodka-Redbull and Whisky-Dry involved too. But i may be remembering that from another night, ah well we had a good one.

(Sorry to Yanie and Caesar, i know i saw you guys on Wednesday but i don't remember anything, anymore, hahaha, Good Times!!)

Thursday (Eve of Public Holiday)

Everyone was so wasted on Wednesday we couldn't finish the bottle of Chivas, so we had a very valid reason to go back to Zouk on Thursday. This is also why i think we had more than one bottle on Wednesday, because i seriously doubt we will finish 1/4 of a bottle before calling it a night. That would have been like going to the cinema just to eat popcorn.

I went to Kurt's home for some pre-drinks first, because Kurt mixes the meanest craziest concoctions i have ever tasted that is guaranteed to pump you up before you hit the clubs.

We met Justin and Eunice at Zouk, where we headed directly for the remaining bottle and since we're in time for Midnight Madness. I got us 4 more jugs of Apple Vodka and Kurt got another 4 jugs of Vodka Redbull. Between the 4 of us we had 8 jugs and 3/4 of a bottle of Chivas, we tried to hide our erection as we salivate over the drinks.

When John and Adrian arrived we had finished 4 jugs and 3/4 of the Chivas but since it was Adrian's last night in Singapore, he bought another 2 jugs together with John's additional 2 jugs. It was like Christmas all over again.

Chloe and Denny arrived much much later together with the rest of the gang and added more jugs into the list of drinks. I was in alcohol induced heaven by this time and when i'm high, "Everything is a good idea", even if it means thrashing about wildly on the podium of Zouk (Which we did, thanks to Kurt) to the disgust of everyone else on the dance-floor. I think the 4 (Kurt, John, Eunice and me) of us on the podium looked more like shark attack victims than anything else.

John, in a flash of brilliance, convinced himself that Wine mixed with everything else we had would be a good idea and proceeded to purchase a bottle of white wine, against our protests. If you do not know why we protested, it is because Wine does not mix well with alcohol and the combination taken in any order serves to double the alcoholic effect and/or vomitting. But we finished every single drop of it anyways.

I can't remember what happened next but the next thing i knew we were at Fei Fei and i was struggling to finish my Wanton Mee which kept threatening to regurgitate itself.

Friday (Good Friday)

By Friday, the thought of alcohol disgusted me, this was also the first time in my life i had to take 3 public transports just to get to zouk, only to alight at the wrong stop. I hate public transport.

Since we got off at the wrong stop, Shawn and me decided to grab dinner at Great World City since Justin was running late. We grabbed a quick bite at Yoshinoya where we were served by a waiter looking alot more like a Leprechaun than a human being. In fact he looked so much like one that it reminded me of the St Patrick's day elf and inevitably made me thirst for some beers. Damn you Leprechaun Man.

Shawn and me proceeded to have some beers at the Kopitiam while we waited for Justin. Justin arrived about 30mins later and we bought 5 more bottles of beer. Eunice saw us from another table and joined us for awhile. Bryan happened to be around the area too and came to meet us together with his friend Vodka.

We finished all the Beer and Vodka before we headed into Zouk feeling a little high already. Kelly called me when we're sipping our jugs at members and said that she wanted to have some beers but didn't want to come down to Zouk as she had to study for her exams, so i suggested Blooies which was just outside her home.

I received another call from Kelly about 30mins later saying that Blooies was already closed and that she would be making her way to Zouk within the hour. Hooray!! I celebrated her decision by opening a bottle of Chivas.

Denny and Chloe arrived awhile later and bought some drinks, so understandably, when Kelly arrived i was struggling to speak in complete sentences. I do not even remember when John arrived or how he made his way in. Good times!

I think we stayed till Zouk closed, but since Kelly didnt have enough drinks we decided to prolong our party at Balcony.

Worst. Decision. Ever.

The wait staff at Balcony must have had a long night because they didnt make us feel welcome, at all. The guy that served us was probably more drunk than us and struggled to make sense of our orders. This guy was drinking on the job, fairly obviously, i contemplated whether i should apply for a job at Balcony.

Everyone was pretty frustrated over the service we were getting and when the drinks came it was the wrong quantity. This guy deserves the Nobel Prize.

We ended the party close to 6am and when we got home it was pretty much 7am. I feel like a Camel.

Saturday (John's last day in Singapore)

Justin and me pretty much decided this was a chillout night free of binge drinking. Feeling safe in the comfort of this promise i drove out to meet John and Billy for dinner at Bugis (Fucking $11 chicken rice) before making out way down to Acid Bar.

On my drive over, Justin called and asked me what i thought of Vodka. My reply, "I thought you'd never ask."

I arrived to find the bottle of Vodka untouched as Justin sat on the couch grimacing at the bottle. We had a short discussion about how sick we were of alcohol while our hands instinctively readied a glass of vodka stirred with cranberry juice concocted with expert precision, and before we knew it we knocked back the first glass.

John and Billy arrived soon after and ordered a bucket of beer. Yanie and Caesar arrived about an hour later and Kurt came over around 11pm. Then Vaune popped by to see Kurt and John before she rushed off to Discovery. Beng and Charlotte happened to be at Alley Bar, so they dropped by for abit before going off to their movie. Everything happened in that order and i deserve a pat on the back for not being drunk yet.

We bought 2 bottles of whiskey from Cheers and made our way towards Kbox Cineleisure. Kurt entertained us with his rendition of old classics which our grandparents probably ever listens to and fast paced chinese hip-hop MC Hotdog style. Denny and Chloe came down from Zouk to join us followed by Beng and Charlotte after their movie.

I think we didn't need a microphone because the shouting seemed louder than what the amplifer can produce. Alcohol makes you oblivious to how stupid you look and in no time everyone was singing stupid songs and doing stupid dance moves in the room. The wait staff must hate us.

By the time we left at 4am, i had lost my voice and my enthusiasm for alcohol. The amount of alcohol we consumed over the weekend should qualify as a new form of torture in Guantanamo Bay.

GOOD TIMES!

**Pictures will be added soon**

The One with the Dream

2009-04-12T17:42:00.006+08:00

Dreams... a series of images, sounds and feeling played out in the sub-consciousness with macabre realism. Typically lasting between between the ranges of 4 to 45 minutes, dreams take your sub-conscious mind through an entire series of experiences and activities you never thought achievable. Occasionally, there are the dreams that jolt you awake in half-panic and those that you find yourself lamenting why it had not been a reality.

Last night, my already overwrought mind played out a series of events in front of me that had me riding through an entire spectrum of emotional distress. It had me jumping for joy one minute and had me prancing on thin ice the very next, it was like riding on a roller-coaster before it derails or finding that you've exhausted your stash of condoms after foreplay.

For those of you that do not already know, I have been working hard to secure an internship deal with Mediacorp Publishing. I had not been happy at work for the longest period of time and had always wanted to get out of my current job. I've always had a love for writing and it wasn't until Kurt invited me to write on this blog that i truly realised how strong this relationship was.

Anyway back to the dream.

I saw myself meeting with the Editor who thoroughly enjoyed my articles (I know because he said so). He gave me his assurance that i would be given the job and that my previous submitted articles would be published after some minor re-work. However, since he didnt have the final say in this matter, he brought me to meet the Chief Editor. For some reason, i was dressed in a pair of jeans with a polo shirt and holding on to a 'walking stick'.

The Chief Editor (CE) was an Indian Man looking barely into his 40s, impeccably dressed with a pair of expensive gold-rimmed glasses nestled atop the bridge of his nose. It was clear from the start that this man had a commanding presence over his peers. I had barely made it pass the door of the CE's office when his booming voice asked:

Chief Editor (CE): What's that you're holding on to?
Me: A walking stick sir.
CE: A What?
Me: A walking stick sir, a tongkat.
CE: I know what a walking stick is, im asking why you're holding onto it?
Me: I injured my knee Sir. (Pretending to limp over to the chair)

The Editor briefed him about my request before handing over a set a printed copy of the 5 articles i had submitted. He leaned back on his chair as he prepared to go through my papers. I felt myself overwhelmed with a feeling of doom as the room fell into an eerie silence as we awaited his say.

He had barely gone through half of my first 2 articles before he said:

CE: I think i've wasted enough of my time reading these 2 articles.
Editor: But Sir, I think he has the potential, he just needs a little.....
CE: ENOUGH! You may leave the room first!

*Editor curses under his breath as he gets up to leave*

*Turning to me*

CE: What makes you think you're a writer?
Me: Sir, I've always had a passion for.........
CE: Im not asking why, im asking what.
Me: Sorry Sir?
CE: I don't think you can write
Me: But your editor said...
CE: I have the final say in this matter!

*Rips the paper infront of me*

CE: You have insulted me with your mediocre writing and wasted my time
Me: I'm sorry
CE: Now get out.

I swore at one point i saw horns growing out the sides of his head as he flicked his forked tongue at me. I saw the room spin around me as his laughter filled the room. That was the last thing i remembered before being dragged out of the office by security personnels.

I broke out of my sleep breathing heavily and relieved that it was only a dream, rationalizing to myself that dreams usually appear opposite to reality i thought of happy things as i drifted back to sleep. It wasn't long before i was dreaming of happier things like unicorns and popsicles.

Meow

2009-04-10T05:08:00.002+08:00

So after repeated exhortations from various people, I have agreed to limit my posts to shoes and random other stories that excite and titillate.

To commemorate this stupendous moment, this post will relate my experiences at Jiak Kim Street this week.

I had fun. I was smashed. I drank whiskey and vodka and chewed on crushed ice. There were many people.

Of course, I hadn't planned on going out at all, especially given the very short holiday I had been granted. But that changed rather quickly when I realised what I had been missing.

So yes, it's been a blur ever since.

Bird Watching 2

2009-04-05T01:03:00.003+08:00

Remember the skateboarding parrot we featured a few weeks back?

Well, it turns out Gordo the parrot has now been kidnapped, leaving his owner crushed, sad, and completely devastated.

Apparently, police are now trawling the owner's home security camera, which captured footage of the thief nabbing Gordo.

In the tape, poor old Gordo can be heard squawking loudly.

Top 10 Signs You Are In The Wrong Job

2009-04-01T14:33:00.002+08:00

Your colleagues avoid socializing with you because you're "Different" and half their age.
You wonder why nobody wears t-shirt and jeans on casual Fridays.
Every morning you shed a tear or sob while dressing up.
You start dreading the Monday Blues on Saturday.
You look forward to going home on your way to work.
People say "What are you doing in this industry?" when you tell them your major in school.
Your boss expects you to be as experienced as people double your age.
Your boss insists paper qualifications are useless and urge you to work harder when you told him your plans to study part-time.
You get blamed for mistakes that are discussed in meetings, because you spend most of the meeting translating the discussions from Hokkien or Cantonese to English.
You spend your office hours thinking of 10 reasons why you're in the wrong job.

Maybe i should do a top 10 list every Wednesday... how's that?

My Beautiful Shoes - Momentum

2009-03-30T05:48:00.004+08:00

This week, I'm profiling a pair of blue sexy Momentums. These are great clubbing shoes and goes perfectly with my Vans pants. However, the sole is so insubstantial that your dogs will start hurting before you've walked 2 miles. Clearly, these would make horrible skate shoes.

Nonetheless, I love them, and I thought I should showcase them this week because I wore them out last night and everyone at the club was stomping on them and they're all black and gross now.

Also, they cost me 45 SGD, which I thought was a decent price.

Rating: 7/ 10

The Tummy Chronicles

2009-03-27T13:35:00.006+08:00

Keeping fit is something that is thrown at us all the time, but probably something which we don't appreciate until we have lost it. It wasn't very long ago when we were still able to skate through the night and visit several spots in one sitting. I remember a time when Kurt and me skated almost everyday after school, and we didn't even end early, we skated till about 10-11pm before grabbing some beers at 7-11 and woke up for school the next day only to repeat the same cycle again.

In stark contrast, our recent skate expedition to Taiwan ended in ruins because we forgot Taiwan has Summer, and skating in summer, is not fun. You would think that living in Singapore's weather conditions would sufficiently condition us to accept whatever the sun can throw at us but No. It was like skating in a microwave oven stuck on 'High' wearing eskimo fur-coats.

Everytime time we stepped out of a building we felt an instant heat-wave. It was like walking out of your home and immediately entering Hell or have you opened one of those huge-ass freezer door in 7-11 or Cold-Storage? It is the same feeling only worse, because cool air is cool but warm air thats another thing altogether. On top of that the air felt dry, it felt like the whole street would ignite with just a spark.

Kurt, John and me were naturally not accustomed to skating in such conditions and the only times we skated in Taiwan was at night. That 3-4 hours of skating soaked our shirts pretty badly and perspiration was actually dripping from our hair and chin onto our boards. We were sweating so much if we shook our heads wildly, we may qualify as water sprinklers. That aside we still managed to visit a few spots before Kurt injured his wrist. Oh and another word of advice, don't wear white tees skating in Taiwan. This is serious because the streets are so dusty and dirty if you fell on the sidewalk, the sidewalk will get imprinted on your shirt.

The reason of this post is this, I have a tummy, this is not funny, i've never had a tummy, i've never been fat, i've never been able to gain any weight.

But recently i find a couple of jeans do not fit anymore, and I'm starting to use holes on my belt that i've never considered using before, also I genuinely feel that in 3 months time I can actually hold the steering wheel with my tummy while i gorge on a burger.

I realised why i wasn't able to gain any weight before. I had been skating regularly. Now, I wake up and go to work, have some insane curry dish for lunch, go home for dinner, head to school, go drinking, wind up having supper, go to bed, rinse and repeat.

"Of course you're going to get a tummy!" you say. But one thing's for sure, i'm trying to work this bastard off. Ever heard stories from dieting friends saying how hard it is to lose weight? I bet you snicker to yourself when their backs are turned. But i've come to realise it really is pretty tough.

Just the other day, after not jogging for years, i decided to head over to East Coast Park for a jog because i read somewhere that jogging is the most balanced way to lose weight. After about 2km i felt like dying, my thighs started to cramp, my lungs threatened to stop taking in oxygen, my heart was pounding like Travis Barker on steroids and my muscles were cursing me for making such a bad decision. I held on to my tummy (Yes it can be "Held"), and told myself it's gonna be worth it.

I ran another 2 steps before going, "Fuck it i need a drink.", I turned to run back the way i came only to start punching myself for not choosing a treadmill. Rationalising that i would need an ambulance if i ran 2 more steps i decided to walk the 2kms back to 7-11.

This jogging shit is too hard.

FUCK IT, i got a tummy, i can lose it, but you're still ugly.

The One with the Multiple Celebrations

2009-03-26T11:42:00.008+08:00

Date: 14th March 2009

Venue: Jbar, Zouk

So this is the second part of my anniversary celebration with Kelly. As previously mentioned, we celebrated the first part by jumping around in a tiny Kbox room in Cineleisure. For the second part we headed back to Jbar where we had 3 bottles of Chivas with our names written all over it.

We managed to get a sweet table in a corner of the bar with a commanding view of the city skyline and the ECP. The table itself was in our opinion, too massive for the whole group of us. If you remembered Jbar was having One-For-One all night long this day, so naturally as the host i was expecting not to make it out with my liver intact that night.

Just as i had expected, people were buying me drinks left and right from the get-go. I probably downed a few shots of tequila and some beer before the monster martinis were brought out.

After the first glass i figured i shouldn't be the only one having issues with my liver so i made everybody drink the martini.

Especially Yanie and Cizarre because they let slip the day before that they got together on the 14th as well.

Somewhere along the night i had a revealing conversation with Wallace.

Wallace: Eh so you guys really got together on the 14th ah?

Me: Yah man the 14th of March 2001

Wallace: Ohh what a coincidence.....

Me: What is?

Wallace: Me and Chloe also got together on the 14th

Me: GUYS WALLACE & CHLOE GOT TOGETHER ON THE 14TH TOO!!!!

So the night was made, 3 couples all whom got together on the 14th and a bunch of crazy mates out to make the night memorable.

I cannot remember how many glasses of giant martinis there were that night but im guessing it was pretty sufficient.

Even couples that did not get together on the 14th (Beng and Charlotte) were made to drink from the giant glass. Such was the amount of love filling the air that night.

Before the end of Jbar i was left on the ground, not defeated but sufficiently bloated. We went on to Zouk where we had a few more jugs of God knows what before winding the night over a steaming hot supper of Bak Kut Teh.

God Knows what's gonna happen on our 9th anniversary, but one thing for sure is that there will be alcohol and there will be puking.

Friday 27th March: FHM's Girls Next Door event at Zirca (100 GIRLS IN BIKINIS!!!)

Saturday 28th March: RSVP at St James (FREE FLOW!!!)

Updates from the "High" life to be up soon, for now my liver needs a well deserved break from being tortured and drowned in alcohol.

Honest to God

2009-03-24T21:17:00.004+08:00

It was Friday night, and I was high and hot at Jaguar Shoes. JS is THE shaggiest dig in London, and I was having a superb time.

And then I got up from the thick, gelatinous sofa in which I had been ensconced. And cold, dead horror crept up on me like a slug making its way up a wet, rotting twig.

My phone was anywhere but in my pocket.

If I catch the motherfucker who took away my love, I swear I'll take his eyes away.

The Wrath of Alcohol

2009-03-21T13:19:00.003+08:00

I believe Ken has explain enough on what alcohol can do to your mind with all his posts.Yesterday, the wrath of alcohol came upon me once again since the wine party in London.

Unfortunately, I am unable to write a detail account on what happened, because I was simply too intoxicated to have any recollections. However, I did remember giving the cab driver all my pounds and telling him the exchange rate because the sing dollars I had with me was not enough to pay the fare.

Anyway, all was good, as I managed to somehow stumble my way back home. Ken and I await Kurt's arrival so that we can once again challenge the wrath of Mr. Alcohol.

Couldnt agree more with Ken, I hate Driving!

The Bad Driver

2009-03-19T02:04:00.001+08:00

Hahahahahahaha

Countless times i find myself wanting to do the same thing as the guy waiting in line.

Woman Can't Even Back Into Space - Watch more Funny Videos

The One with the Crazy Singers

2009-03-18T12:49:00.007+08:00

The Place: Jbar at M Hotel, Kbox

The Occasion: Me and Xiumei's 8th Year Anniversary

Last saturday on the 14th of March 2009, me and Kelly decided to celebrate our anniversary in a different way. Traditionally, anniversaries are intimate affairs that are usually celebrated privately between 2 individuals. However, this year we decided to do it in "Style", we have the spare cash, we have the party people, we have "more" party people, we just needed a place to go crazy.

After rounds of discussion we decided to throw it at Jbar, for those that are not aware, Jbar offers one-for-one on bottles everyday before 8.30pm. So if you buy 2 bottles before that time you get 4 bottles which is a very good deal. On the Friday, Kelly, Justin and me headed over to Jbar to purchase the bottles first as the promo doesn't apply on weekends, thinking we could finish one bottle and leave 3 bottles for the party on Saturday. That was when we realised that Jbar has extended its promotion to weekends as well plus on weekends you don't even have to purchase them before 8.30pm. On top of that, Saturdays are One-For-One all drinks all night.

The horror of the approaching night finally hit me. I'm sure i can handle 3 bottles of Chivas, but one-for-one all night, i'm pretty sure i'm not driving home. From what i know Jbar has this crazy-huge-ass martini that comes in a giant cocktail glass that looks more like a soup bowl, with the lychees skewered in "satay sticks" going for $50. If i'm not wrong i will have to deal with a couple or more of these monster drinks.

Anyway back to Friday.

So midway through the first bottle of Chivas, Yanie and Cizarre decide to pop by which was great considering it was only 10pm and we are almost finished on the Chivas. Somewhere between toasts and toilet trips, Kelly mentioned that our anniversary should have been on the 13th and not the 14th while i argued that it's on the 14th and not the 13th.

You see on the 13th of March 2001, I went out on a date with Kelly, somehow we ended up at Parkway Parade or more specifically Roxy Park (Yes, the place we skate all the time). I remember asking for her hand at about 11pm, she agreed after 12am so doesn't that justify that our official anniversary should be celebrated on the 14th?

Somehow, this explanation doesn't fly with the gang who argues that we should celebrate our anniversary on the 13th AND the 14th. Two celebrations you say?

What the hell Celebrations = Drinks right? At least thats what's written in 'my' dictionary.

So we slugged the remaining bottle and screamed in awful synchrony to the performing band. What a scene we were, i tell you, in an upmarket place no less. So we decided to avoid the nasty stares and hop over to Acid Bar where we know our awful singing/shouting would be more appreciated. We have already built a rapport with the crew at Acid Bar and were sure that we would be able to get a table upon arrival.

We arrived only to find Acid Bar packed to the brim with less wild revelers. The place was filled to the door with people and they even had bouncers at the door to discourage more sardines from entering.

Fuck it we thought let's go somewhere else where we can scream ourselves hoarse.

So we made our way to Kbox Cineleisure, resisting the temptation to purchase over-priced whiskey we smuggled in our own whiskey bought from the 7-11 downstairs mixed with the coke provided by Kbox.

Coke + Whiskey = Bourbon Coke.... I fucking hate the taste of bourbon, give me a glass and i would turn around to run faster than you can say "Yo!" Bourbon tastes about as bad as a walrus's butt smells as bad too.

Just as well, i needed to sober up before driving home so since i hated bourbon i decided to detox by drinking Hot Milo, the whole night. When you're starting to sober up and the people around you are getting more wasted you feel like a paraplegic at the olympics.

I hate driving.

My Beautiful Shoes - Bruno Magli

2009-03-17T07:04:00.004+08:00

I've decided to take a break from the weekly skate shoe review to bring you something slightly different. Apart from chunky iPaths and Red Wings, proper Italian leather shoes are my secret love. I bought this pair of hand made Bruno Maglis a couple of months back, at a reasonable price. They don't look as sharp as some of my other shoes, but they're comfortable and good for pretentious hanging around in a cream suit.

Also, given that London is ALWAYS on light shower mode, I am beginning to appreciate the practicalities of having a rubber sole. Climactic conditions aside, I remain a most fervent supporter of fully stitched leather soles.

I promise to bring you a skate shoe review next week, but in the meantime, this is my take on this pair of punks.

Rating: 7/10

Trick Tips - How to Roastbeef a 10.

2009-03-15T21:00:00.004+08:00

The 'Roastbeef' was invented by this dude called Jeff Grosso. Executing a roastbeef on flat land may be 'cool', but definitely not cool enough when chicks are watching. Therefore, in this month's trick tips special, we will be teaching you guys on how to 'Roastbeef' off a 10.

1. First, take a real good look at the stairs that you are going to be 'roastbeefing' off. It may be your very last.

2. next, prepare about a distance of 25-30 feet away from the 10 as you will need to approach the stairs at a relatively good speed. You DO NOT want to find yourself landing right smack in the centre of the 10 if you happen to bail off mid air. Yeah, i am not kidding, trust me.

3. Pick up as much speed as possible as you approach the 10, then POP as HARD as you can. You need a good ollie in order to clear the stairs as well to execute the grab trick. Once in mid air, proceed to grab the heel side of your deck with your training hand. Hold on to that grab for about 1.5s (if you have enough 'air', you can always try grabbing for a good 5 seconds, but the Big Balls Daily will not be liable for the consequences), release the grab and brace yourself for the landing.

4. Brace the impact with bend knees, and roll off.

5. Plan on where to party tonight with your mates.

The Celebrity I Don't Wanna Look Like

2009-03-13T18:22:00.002+08:00

So i was pissed bored watching tv at home, what better to do than to laugh at my friends and myself? (Warning Ugly Photos Alert!! Hahahaha)

MyHeritage: Celebrity Morph - Trace family tree - Ancestry search

MyHeritage: Celebrity Morph - Family tree search - Dynasty

Ok Kurt's morph isn't funny i just posted it up as a "Hah told you so" thing.

MyHeritage: Celebrity Morph - Pedigree - Ancestors

The celebrity look alike

2009-03-13T14:38:00.005+08:00

Whoa i came across this cool website where you can upload your photos and they will run it using some face recognition technology against a database of celebrity photos before determining who you resemble the most. The celebrity morph function is crazy cool. Kurt and John please do it and post who you look so we can finally disregard John's claim that he resembles Wang Li Hom. I already predict that Kurt's mug will give him a result of hurdler Liu Xiang Hahahaha.

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebs

MyHeritage: Family trees - Genealogy - Celebrities

Having A Cracking Time

2009-03-12T05:09:00.004+08:00

This was taken way back. Probably 2003 and probably on a camera phone. Found it idling on the computer and thought I'd jazz it up with some music before sticking it in here.

Bird Watching

2009-03-09T20:29:00.003+08:00

We showed you a dog on a skateboard a few days back. We have since found a bird that skates.

Gordo, a 30-year-old Guatemalan parrot, rides his skateboard during his daily walks with his owner.

Trick Ratio

2009-03-06T07:13:00.004+08:00

I normally land one full cab in 20 attempts. That's how awful I am.

A fakie big flip takes me about 30 tries. Back when Dhoby Ghaut was a happier place, the ratio was one in 10 tries.

I remember when I could land varial flips, heelflips, kickflips just like that. Now, I would be lucky to land one in three attempts.

So, bearing in mind how limited my oeuvre is, I present you with a picture of me spinning madly in mid-air, desperately trying to land a full cab. This was my eighth try and to be honest, I don't think I landed it.

If I find the full series (somewhere in my computer), I'll post it.

The tired one

2009-03-04T10:14:00.003+08:00

Haggard, weary, drained, bushed, bagged and dead beat the results of sleep deprivation, school work, project research, research analysis, project write-ups, tightening deadlines both at work and school and in between finding the last strand of energy and conviction to have some fun.

The outer shell radiates a ghastly glow, albeit with a meek smile forced between chapped, cracking lips the results of excessive cigarette consumption and the rapid evaporation of alcohol on skin taking away with it every drop of moisture.

The sun hangs high and for an instant i am transported back in time as a naked slave surrounded by hundreds more sweating, sobbing, whimpering,shivering from fear and exhaustion. The crack of a whip emanates from two rows beside me as the leathery whip comes into contact with naked skin tearing the flesh exposing more than it should on the already skeletal bodies. The heart-wrenching scream that follows boils the blood as perspiration seeps into the open wound. Another whip falls on someone trying to help as the foremen cheered each other on oblivious to the atrocities against humanity.

Those that fall on the way from exhaustion, starvation, abuse are quickly replaced with new slaves. No words were allowed to be exchanged amongst slaves which in an ironic way makes our lives easier not knowing the name of the person collapsing in front of you.

Fear of the whip drove us on, tugging at the ropes i looked up to catch a glimpse of the pyramids as it momentarily eclipsed the sun. I turned around to look at the enormous rock weighing us down and all around i see thousands more, like giant sand cubes being dragged by armies of ants.

"YOU DARE TO LAY EYES ON THE PYRAMID SLAVE??!!!"

I turned back to face a giant of a man face black and fiery, eyes burning with hatred and disgust. He raised his arms as he preps his whip eyes burning a hole through my naked skin. Cowering in fear i shielded my head with my bloody hands skin torn and blistered from ropeburn and covered my eyes as my muscles tightened to receive the whip.

It's a Dog's Life

2009-03-02T02:46:00.004+08:00

He pedals like a mad dog.

Not A Tear To Shred

2009-02-28T00:34:00.002+08:00

We are told the British government wants Fred the Shred to give up 16m GBP as a "gesture" of goodwill.

We are told that if Fred the Shred does not voluntarily give up 16m GBP as a "gesture" of goodwill, the government will do all it can to claw back the money.

We are told Gordon Brown is disgusted, union leaders are up in arms, Prescott is working the anger mill, and politicians from every major party have had something to say.

We know Fred the Shred had a service contract, and that the terms of his contract were a matter of negotiation between informed, sophisticated and experienced parties of full capacity. We know too that any pension payout under the contract was discretionary. We know that the RBS Board sanctioned the payment knowing full well the pension payout was discretionary. We know the decision to exercise the discretion in favour of Fred the Shred was made by Board Resolution, duly minuted and recorded in the Company Books. We know that unless there were serious irregularities or unless the Board was misled, Fred the Shred is entitled to 16m GBP. We know also that Fred the Shred is entitled to not give up 16m GBP as a "gesture" of goodwill.

We know that the government has injected much money into the financial sector. We know that the government took a decision to rescue RBS with taxpayers' money. We know that the decision was made by the government, and we know now that the government wants Fred the Shred to "do the right thing", and to "do what is morally right". We know that the government wants Fred the Shred to give up his entitlement to 16m GBP so as to justify the government's decision to save RBS with taxpayers' money. We know also that the government is speaking to lawyers in the hope that they can force a recovery of the 16m GBP to which Fred the Shred is entitled.

We know the last elections were 4 years ago. We know a general election is due. We know Labour has not been doing well in the polls. We know the Tories believe this to be their year. We know that an economic crisis happens every 6 to 10 years. We know Keynesian economics like the back of our hands. We know that nobody gives a FUCK during boom time. We know that everybody gives a FUCK now.

My Beautiful Shoes - Vans Skullduggery

2009-02-26T19:45:00.003+08:00

Sorry for the delay in posting. Exams held me up but I'm back with this week's installment of My Beautiful Shoes.

I haven't bought Vans for a long time. My last pair was the Vans Cab, and obviously that was a classic. But when I saw these in the store, I decided to give them a go.

If you are used to chunky, padded shoes, and the level of comfort they give you, then switching to Vans may be a disappointing affair. The amount of padding is minimal, and the biggest downside for me is the way I can feel the ground when I walk. The sole is seriously thin, and having been weaned on Globe's superior sole system, I struggled initially to get to grips with this pair of Vans.

Of course, this is not the Rowley Elite, which provides substantial sole protection. And for that reason, I actually quite like this pair of Vans. It does what it says on the tin. It's slim, sexy, full of skullduggery, and goes terrifically with my black Vans jeans (as you can see from the picture above). My rating?

6/10